Posts in Friendship
A New Kind of Couple: When Best Friends Become Romantic

We all need friends who stick closer than a brother, who will be there for us in good and bad times, but to treat a friendship with the weight, exclusivity, and ownership of a marriage brings serious dangers. In just a moment, things can go from seemingly safe and good to horribly bad and harmful. 

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Leave Neediness Out of Mentoring

How can a desire to pour into someone else's life for the sake of the gospel go wrong? The desire certainly isn't wrong. But our prone-to-wander hearts and our crafty, disguised-as-an-angel-of-light enemy can distort God's good design if we aren't sober-minded and watchful. Here's how you can tell if a mentoring relationship is beginning to veer off into the ditch of neediness.

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True Friends Are Hard to Find

Jesus is our Bread of Life, our Living Water, our Pearl of Great Price, our Light, our Resurrection, our very Life. The greatest danger to our souls is that we might abandon abiding in him, following him, and finding our joy in him. Therefore, the best gift a friend can give is a commitment to fight for our joy in and communion with Christ. Conversely, the worst distortion of friendship arises when a friend encourages us, consciously or unconsciously, to place our affections elsewhere.

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[Friendship Gone Wrong] Unseen Neediness

Though I never had an outwardly needy friendship, the weeds of codependency were still popping up in my life, just in a different form. I needed her to be ok with me. I needed her approval and her acceptance. I needed her more than I loved her. This is the essence of codependency: driven by our own needs we become unable to truly love other people. My neediness was near impossible to see because it manifested by keeping her at arms-length. I perceived myself not to be needy, but to be perfectly content without her in my life.

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There is only One.

Do you feel distant from God? Do you feel at odds with Him? Do you desire to draw closer to Him? There is one mediator between you and God. It’s not your favorite author. It’s not a book or Bible study. It’s not your pastor, your counselor, your friend, or your parents. For there is only one mediator between God and men, the man Jesus Christ, who gave Himself as a ransom for all. Your pastor or friend or favorite blogger have not given themselves as a ransom for you. Only One person has done that… the man Jesus Christ. Do you have loved ones who are far from God and hope to see them reconciled to Him? Does it seem like it’s all up to you? Like you’re the only one in their life speaking truth and pushing them to God? Remember, there is one mediator between God and men, and it’s not you. You have no power to reconcile others to God. The best you can do is point to the man Jesus Christ who gave Himself as a ransom for all.

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A Theology of Singleness

What does the Bible have to say about singleness? Whether you are single or not, I hope you will take time to make sure your point of view on this stage of life is Biblical, and not influenced by the culture around you. And remember, those of us who are married may again enter this season. We are not promised forever with our spouses, and any one of us might be widowed one day.

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[Friendship Gone Wrong] The Trend of Romanticization

BFFs have become the new couple. Can’t find a boyfriend? Just get a best friend. Emotionally, a best friend can now fulfill all the same things a boyfriend can. It may feel like your best friend is the only person who truly gets you. She can make you feel loved, give you somewhere to belong, and make you feel needed. Your BFF can easily become a placeholder until you get that boyfriend or husband you’ve always wanted.

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[Friendship Gone Wrong] What's the Purpose?

How can you tell the difference between a healthy and unhealthy friendship? Unlike the ingrown friendship model of the world, friendship for Jesus looks outside itself to find its purpose. Like everything else, the purpose of our friendships should center on Him. We cannot glorify God alone, we cannot live for His glory alone. We need each other!

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[Friendship Gone Wrong] 15 Questions to Diagnose Idolatry

This sinful idolatry may even appear godly at first. Two co-dependent friends may pray together, talk about Jesus a lot, and be extremely supportive of one another. The spiritual conversation and activity of the friendship may give a false sense that nothing is wrong. But it matters little how much we talk about Jesus or do things for Jesus if our hope and trust isn't in Him alone. Here are 15 questions to help you diagnose if idolatry is present in your friendship. 

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[Friendship Gone Wrong] No Safe Zones

Most Christians assume friendship could never be sinful, especially same-gender friendships. This is the reason some walk into idolatry blindly: they have a false sense of security. But idolatry is no respecter of gender. Anything that takes God’s place in your heart is an idol, even your closest girl friend. A best friend can become a god, a functional savior who rescues you from all the hardships of life, and very few will call it sin. This is why idolatry in friendship is dangerously deceptive: it has become culturally acceptable to need your friend more than you need God.

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