If I asked you to list some signs of healthy friendship, I doubt you’d name conflict as one of them. Most of us treat conflict like an uncomfortable relative, something we have to deal with every now and then but, generally, to be avoided at all costs. But, in my experience, conflict is not an ugly stepsister to be avoided but a necessary ally in our pursuit of real friendship.
Read MoreHow can we work to create an environment where deep and meaningful friendships can form? This is exactly the question I was hoping to address at a women's event at my church recently. In this post you can listen to my talk on How to Cultivate Community.
Read MoreWe all need friends who stick closer than a brother, who will be there for us in good and bad times, but to treat a friendship with the weight, exclusivity, and ownership of a marriage brings serious dangers. In just a moment, things can go from seemingly safe and good to horribly bad and harmful.
Read MoreHow can a desire to pour into someone else's life for the sake of the gospel go wrong? The desire certainly isn't wrong. But our prone-to-wander hearts and our crafty, disguised-as-an-angel-of-light enemy can distort God's good design if we aren't sober-minded and watchful. Here's how you can tell if a mentoring relationship is beginning to veer off into the ditch of neediness.
Read MoreJesus is our Bread of Life, our Living Water, our Pearl of Great Price, our Light, our Resurrection, our very Life. The greatest danger to our souls is that we might abandon abiding in him, following him, and finding our joy in him. Therefore, the best gift a friend can give is a commitment to fight for our joy in and communion with Christ. Conversely, the worst distortion of friendship arises when a friend encourages us, consciously or unconsciously, to place our affections elsewhere.
Read MoreWhile we may be aware of our tendency to look to spouses, children, money, food, careers, and houses to find fulfillment, many of us have assumed friendship is immune to the same kind of temptation. But idolatry is always dangerous to our souls, no matter how harmless the idol may seem at first glance.
Read MoreThough I never had an outwardly needy friendship, the weeds of codependency were still popping up in my life, just in a different form. I needed her to be ok with me. I needed her approval and her acceptance. I needed her more than I loved her. This is the essence of codependency: driven by our own needs we become unable to truly love other people. My neediness was near impossible to see because it manifested by keeping her at arms-length. I perceived myself not to be needy, but to be perfectly content without her in my life.
Read MoreUnfortunately, codependency in marriage is an assumed reality for many. The truth is, most of us struggle to believe God is enough for us, so we are continually looking to people to make us feel ok. Because of this, a marriage can become a place where we finally feel like being codependent is acceptable. We hope, like the movies have portrayed, that we can bank on this person to fill the deepest parts of our longings and be the one on whom our general sense of wellbeing rests.
Read MoreIf it is evident that you have been idolizing a friend in your life and have become emotionally dependent on them, here are some basic steps you can take to move toward freedom: Be Honest, Create Space, Prepare for Grief, Cultivate Other Friendships, See a Biblical Counselor, and Get to Know God.
Read MoreThis sinful idolatry may even appear godly at first. Two co-dependent friends may pray together, talk about Jesus a lot, and be extremely supportive of one another. The spiritual conversation and activity of the friendship may give a false sense that nothing is wrong. But it matters little how much we talk about Jesus or do things for Jesus if our hope and trust isn't in Him alone. Here are 15 questions to help you diagnose if idolatry is present in your friendship.
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