My First Love - Part 1 of 4
As it seems most Christian girls are I was waiting on God to bring me my husband, my perfect man. (Of course he wouldn't be perfect, but just about perfect, at least for me.) A few prospective guys came in and out of my life through high school and college and as they came, I considered them and contemplated if this was the one that I was waiting for. It was usually the same story: I liked the guy, spent time analyzing whether or not he could be the one, had lots of phone conversations with him, and usually went on a few dates. At some point in the relationship (sometimes within a few weeks, sometimes within a few months) I would realize that he could not be the one I was waiting for and then ended the relationship. This cycle was dissatisfying, and disappointing. Finally, in September of 2005, God revealed the error of my practice of waiting on Him to bring me my husband.
“I am waiting on God to bring me my husband.” Is there anything wrong with this statement? It might not seem like it. It is good and right to wait on God’s timing concerning marriage and dating instead of trying to do things in our own way. But if that is the ONLY THING that we are waiting on, we have an incorrect perspective.
Picture this: You are at a restaurant and have just ordered a pizza. A friend walks in and sits down with you and asks, “What are you doing?” And you respond with, “I am waiting on the waiter to bring me my pizza.” (Does this sentence structure sound familiar?) In this example, you do not have much regard for the waiter. The waiter is only the vehicle by which you get what you are truly there for: your pizza. You are not expecting the waiter to come and sit down and talk with you, but to simply deliver the pizza.
“I am waiting on God to bring me my husband.”
What are you more excited about: Jesus or your future husband? God was never designed to simply be the means for us to receive things. He was never intended to be our waiter, but to BE OUR EVERYTHING! I had replaced the passionate pursuit of knowing Him with the pursuit of an allegedly more passionate relationship on earth. I had put another “god” before the Lord; I had created an idol.
In Hosea 2:16, God speaks to His people saying, “And it shall be, in that day, says the Lord, "That you will call Me 'My Husband,' And no longer call Me 'My Master.'” One of the most common reasons that we, as Christian women, long for marriage and relationships more than God is because we don’t know how to fall in love with God. We have been taught how to obey and please God (how to call Him ’Master’), but we do not know how to grow in our love for Him and fall deeper in love with the character of our Creator (how to call Him ’Husband’).
Consider this analogy: David and Jessica have been dating for a few months now and most of their friends comment about how cute a couple they are. They are frequently seen at the local coffee shop or out to eat together on a Friday night. Their favorite spot to frequent is the beach near by at sunset. Here they spend their time walking along the shore, holding hands, and enjoying the sunset in silence. The problem is that Jessica spends this time on the beach thinking about John, a guy in one of her classes. She reminisces about what he said to her that day, the way he looked, and how sweet he was to stay late and help his friend with homework. She’s already thinking about what she’s going to wear tomorrow so that she can look extra special when she sees him.
This is not fair to David at all; it is emotional infidelity and emotional lust. It may look like she loves David because she does all the right things to appear in love with him, but her heart is set on someone else. This is exactly what many of us have done in our relationship with God! We know how to appear passionate about God: we talk about Him to others, we read His Word, we attend Bible studies and keep trying harder to learn more about Him, but our hearts are set on something else.
We were created to be in a passionate, consuming, and loving relationship; this is why our hearts long for it. So when we do not experience this fulfilling relationship in God, we naturally look for it in other things: usually in a relationship here on earth. This is a terrible situation, because our GREATEST commandment is to “love the Lord you God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength” (Mark 12:29-30)! Not simply to put God first in your daily activities, but LOVE HIM PASSIONATELY!
What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? To love someone with all your mental capacity? To love someone with your whole being? With all the strength that you have within you? That is a passionate love! Unfortunately, I have found that the majority of girls I talk to have never experienced this kind of love for God. They know how to please God, how to do the things that He wants them to do, how to look like they are passionate about Him, but their hearts are set on something they perceive to be more passionate. We need to repent and surrender this idol we have made.