Our Adoption Story
We've had a desire to adopt for a long time. And in 2017, that dream was finally made a reality when we flew to India to bring home our son, Ben. Since then, we adopted another boy from India, Isaac. We brought our second son home in 2021.
Adoption can seem like an insurmountable challenge. The uncertainty, the cost, the extensive and confusing paperwork tend to outweigh the beauty and joy and privilege of adoption. Seeing other families adopt, hearing their stories and watching them walk through it, is often what makes adoption so attractive and seem so doable. That is one of the reasons we wanted to make a video of our story. We hope that some who watch this video would ask the question for the first time, "God, would you have us adopt?" We hope those who are in the middle of it would find encouragement that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We hope that everyone will celebrate the heart of our God who has willingly adopts spiritual orphans into His family at the infinite cost of His Son.
BOOKS
Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches by Russell Moore
Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections Edited by Jean MacLeod
Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray
Every Bitter Thing is Sweet by Sara Hagerty (one adoptive mom’s story)
Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child by Beth O'Malley
Orphanology: Awakening to Gospel-Centered Adoption and Orphan Care by Tony Merida and Rick Morton
The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family by Karyn Purvis
OTHER ADOPTION RESOURCES
America World Adoption Agency - the agency we use for adoptions
One Orphan - If adoption is not an option for your family, One Orphan provides a way to advocate for orphans to get into families.
Stuck - A documentary about international adoption, you can find it on Netflix
Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI 101) - online course
Articles
Q&A VIDEO ABOUT ADOPTION
FAQs:
When did you begin to explore and understand what is required for international adoption?
We began to get serious about looking into adoption when I was pregnant with our second child. Jimmy and I had always planned to adopt, but it was then that he told me he wanted our adopted children to be "in the middle" of our biological children so they would know they were not an afterthought but always in our heart. So we began looking into agencies when I was still pregnant with her. We knew international adoption could take years from the first paperwork to having a child home and we liked the idea of our kids being close together. So even though some people didn't understand why we were doing research with children so small, we knew it would take a while.
The first big decision you have to make in adoption is international or domestic. Ultimately, both are needed orphan care ministries. We hesitated to move toward international because it is so expensive and we didn't have the money. But after spending time praying about it, and through Jimmy's encouragement, we decided to make the decision not based on what we felt like we could do, but where we felt God was leading. And that was clearly international. We had such a burden for kids growing up in institutions. So we jumped into this journey by faith. We didn't have thousands of dollars saved up ready to go... we trusted that God would provide for us each step of the way as he always had.
The second big decision is what agency to use. We started by asking other families we knew that had adopted internationally to see what agencies they used and what they had to say about the agencies. We preferred a big agency (because we knew they would have systems in place and lots of experience because of how many families they help each year). We got lots of positive feedback about AWAA and at the time knew someone who's wife worked for them. So it seemed like an easy choice for us. We knew them to be excellent as far as their integrity in the process of adoption and all their dealings, which was of the upmost importance to us.
Then we looked at which countries they work with. Some families know what country they want to adopt from and care a lot about that. Not every agency works with every open country. But we chose to go with an agency we trusted first and then looked into what countries they worked with. We didn't have a specific country in mind, but just cared to adopt any child we could out of an institution.
We began looking into countries we already were "invested" in through missionary support, prayer, etc. Ethiopia, China, India, and Haiti were on the radar. At the time, we only met the requirements for Ethiopia so we started pursuing adoption there. (India at the time required parents to be 35 and older.) While we were waiting in Ethiopia, we decided to start a second adoption process in India after we heard that they had lowered their age requirement. After we were already matched with Ben, we were told Ethiopia would no longer be a viable option for us because the country was changing their requirements. So we transferred that adoption to India as well. From the first paperwork to Ben coming home was about 2 years, and our case was longer than normal because of several judge changes in India. Throughout the process, God consistently provided through all sorts of means. There are many people (including the orphan care ministry at church) that financially made it possible for us. We received donations for at least 1/3 the costs, maybe more.
If you have the desire to adopt, then don't wait. Just step out in faith! God is the Father to the Fatherless, and when we volunteer to be his hands and feet in it, he will support us in the work, since ultimately, it's his work.
would you recommend AWAA?
YES! We have had a wonderful experience with them. Of course some of your agency decision will depend on what you want from your agency. But for us, we preferred a larger agency who run a more "well-oiled machine", even though there were more hoops to jump through. What I mean is, we felt confident in them because they do this so much and therefore, they are able to catch the things that usually hold up an adoption.
I know some of the things the require are simply due to the fact that not having it is likely to slow your process down. I would much rather do more work than necessary if it will move our case along more quickly.
They have sat on the phone with me for hours and hours on end, explaining how everything works from the ground up. That has given me a lot of peace. I feel more confident as an adoptive parent because of my conversations with my family coordinator and other people at AWAA.
They are an agency with a lot of integrity! I love this! I feel like I can trust that they are going to be above board on every interaction in every way. There are just too many cases of bribery, fraud and other things I've heard about to risk in this area. And I trust AWAA is doing a great job, especially since seeing how everything unfolded when we picked up our Ben in country.
I love that AWAA is fighting for a home for every child. They don't just need provision, they need a family, a mom and a dad and brothers and sisters. But at the same time, they are big advocates for domestic adoption in these countries. I am grateful that countries like India are pushing for domestic adoption. There are so many kids who need homes!
Overall, we love AWAA. (We also did a Q&A video answering this question as well that should be on their website)
How long was the whole process?
We completed our initial application for the India program in December 2014. In July 2015 we received our referral for our son! What a great day that was. We expected to travel and bring him home in the first part of 2016, but due to several changes with our judges we did not travel to bring him home until February 2017. So it was from start to finish a little over 2 years. But, the delays had nothing to do with AWAA. In fact, they were all kind of random unrelated things, which was very frustrating, but AWAA was amazing in how they helped with this. They were compassionate, understanding, and brainstormed ways we could bring him home sooner. We almost went before the adoption was finalized because we thought it would speed things up. AWAA was amazing in how they handled all of our unexpected issues.
How was your experience in India? Were the people friendly towards you? Did they seem to want to help you in the process or hinder you? How were you received at the orphanage?
We had a great experience in India. AWAA seems to have streamlined the process. Nothing was out of place and we felt prepared at every turn for what to expect. Our in country guides were amazing and extremely helpful. Overall, couldn't ask for anything more.
The people in India were very friendly toward us and seemed to be thankful and excited that we showed an interest in their country and in their children. The hotel that AWAA has you stay at in Delhi for most of the time sees a lot of adoptive families. Because of this, many of the staff at the hotel were experienced with our process and often asked what stage of the process we were in (Have you been to the embassy yet? Did you get your exit permit today?) and they would regularly pack little to go bags for us for long days waiting in lines. They also helped us understand traditional food fed to children there and helped educate us. The hotel was amazing.
His orphanage was amazing. They made us biscuits and tea and were very excited to meet us and celebrate the moment. It was our small orphanage’s first placement so it was a bigger deal than usual. I know our experience isn't what it's like across the board because I heard different stories from other adoptive parents in India. We heard that the state run orphanages can have a more hostile attitude but we experienced a lot of love and kindness.
Did you have to fundraise to pay for adoption and if so, how did you do that?
We were not able to pay for our entire adoption ourselves. We knew that we couldn’t afford it starting out. For us, we just stepped out in faith and asked God to provide as we needed the money. We knew we could afford the $300 application fee, so that’s where we started. There were many times God provided in unexpected ways through my husband’s job.
We never did any of the “traditional” fundraising. Mainly because our church has a thriving orphan care ministry with a large budget for adoptive families. They seek to take away the hurdle of finances if families are all in to adopt but cannot because of money. So our church provided much of the cost we lacked as well as a few family friends who personally supported us by donating to our adoption costs.
With that said, there are great ways to fundraise. There are many non-profits who provide grants for adoptive families. Show Hope and Lifesong are two non-profits that come to mind.