“The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
It has been my intention to write a series of blogs that I listed in my post “The Influence of a Woman.” Well, as you can tell if you follow my blog, that hasn’t happened. I have posted 2 of the 6 that were listed and I started writing the third on living an evangelistic lifestyle. But because I felt God wasn’t giving me words and that at times my motive for writing was wrong, I still haven’t finished it.
Honestly, I feel as though God is redirecting my steps and has put my writing on hold. I love writing and have sat down a few times to write my thoughts down, but nothing comes. And interestingly enough, I feel like I have never had more to say and been more passionate about writing than now. But instead of writing, I am sensing that I am in a season of preparation, though I’m not sure what for. And I think this preparation will consist of many temptations and testings that will reveal the true condition of my heart and also prepare me for revival. I also believe one result of this time will be a fresh revelation of what He wants me to write. I have felt many things churning in my heart that I am longing to share, but feel as though God has more to say to me on those topics.
“So sorry I haven’t blogged in a while!” This is a common first line of a blog. I’m not exactly sure why we feel compelled to apologize for a lack of frequency in online updates, as if the general public is owed a certain number of updates per month. I have personally strived to never use this phrase in my blog and think I have succeeded. (Of course I welcome being corrected if that’s not true.) I don’t see any reason to apologize for the way I have set up my priorities in my time. I firmly believe that when you are with others, you should be fully there. Not texting or surfing the web or watching TV, but investing your whole focus in the relationship at hand. No amount of communicating through technology can replace a face to face conversation. So because of that, I have found that blogging often ends up at the bottom of my priorities. And I don’t feel any need to apologize for that. My family and friendships come before that.
But if I were going to apologize for a lack of blogging and theoretically give a reason for such a lapse in online updates, my reason would be that we are about to move to a new city. Aaaaaaand that I have a 6 month old. Aaaaaand that I have been traveling with Jimmy more lately. But that’s only if I believed in apologizing for not blogging. But since we’re on the topic, YES, we are moving! Although we will only be 4.5 hours from where we are now, this has been an extremely stressful season of life for us. Selling your home, trying to buy a new one, and timing the move with a family that travels is extremely time consuming, expensive and stressful.
We are soon to be residents of the Dallas area and living near some dear friends and the studio Jimmy recorded “Not Without Love” at. We are very excited about this season of change and looking forward to raising our family in this beautiful city surrounded by a great community of people.
As we are entering a new season, I thought it was fitting to reevaluate the purpose of this blog. I have often been tempted to apologize for a lack of blogging but decided against it for the reasons I mentioned above. And that causes me to wonder… what is the purpose of my writing? If it’s to be an accomplished blogger with a large following, then I am certainly not on the path to accomplishing that. I’ve also been tempted to write a lot about my precious baby girl and all the sweet moments that happen every day as I watch her change and grow. But I never wanted this blog to become all about Lively. Or even all about Jimmy for that matter. So why do I write? It was always my hope that anyone who would come across this blog would be encouraged and challenged to chase harder after Jesus. I feel my strongest spiritual gifts are encouragement and teaching and have desired to turn every blog into something that leaves you, the reader, longing for more of God! Hopefully… I have been accomplishing this so far. And at the same time, my desire has been to never let a desire for a large following overtake my desire for more of God myself.
“No good thing does the Lord withhold from those who walk uprightly.” ~Psalm 84:11
In part 1, I shared about my struggle to believe the Word of God over my own feelings after the miscarriage of our 3rd child. Psalm 84:11 is one verse that took incredible amounts of faith for me to believe. After all, if God isn’t holding anything good from me, then why in the world is He withholding children from us? It’s in His Word that He says children are a blessing.
After walking in truth week after week, despite my feelings, it amazed me to see how my feelings began to align themselves with the Word of God. I began to ask God for what my heart was truly longing for: “the fullness of joy in His presence” (psalm 16:11). After a couple years of tragedies and sorrow, I simply longed for deep, profound joy. Yes, I hoped that God would allow our children to one day live outside the womb, but what I was really truly longing for was the joy I find in His presence alone.