Category Archives: marriage

Closet Pharisee

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“Fill up, then, the measure of the guilt of your fathers.  You serpents, you brood of vipers, how will you escape the sentence of hell?” ~Jesus, Matthew 23: 32-33

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You’d think these words were said to a murderer, or a sexually perverted or promiscuous person, or a thief.  But no, Jesus was speaking to the religious leaders of the day.

Wait, did you catch that… Jesus’s harshest words of judgment are to the religious leaders of the day.  This should cause the ears of this religious church girl to perk up and listen.  Why such harsh words?  And what did these religious people do to merit such severe judgment?  And how do I make sure I am truly following Jesus and not the path of these anti-Jesus religious people?  These are questions I should have asked in my early years of following Jesus.

Even though I fell in love with Jesus early in my life, there grew an inward bent of my soul, slowly and stealthily, that was hardly noticeable.  I’m not sure exactly how it started.  Maybe it was the subconscious joy I found in the acclaim of people in being such a “good Christian.”  Maybe I couldn’t help but notice how much “better” I was than my peers.  Somewhere along the way, I began to delight in my good works more than the work of Jesus.  My heart started to reflect that of a Pharisee more than Jesus.

The Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9-14)

The Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9-14)

No matter how it started, a root of pride began to grow in my heart and for years it was watered with the praise of others and my own comparison to my peers.  I became really good at “being a Christian.” In the morning, I trusted my ability to have a good quiet time and memorize scripture.  In the evening, I found peace in my “maturity” to worship with hands raised.  I no longer needed Jesus as my savior.  My good deeds had become my functional savior.  I knew the right words to say, the right things to do to look like the best Jesus-follower out there.

Like the Pharisees, I was completely blind to my sinful pride.  It wasn’t until I got married that this slow-growing disease was made clear to me.  Before saying “I do,” I thought I was pretty awesome and that Jimmy was pretty lucky to have such a godly wife.  (Though I NEVER would have said that, obviously, because that is a pretty prideful thing to think and I wasn’t prideful… I was a humble, servant-hearted Christian.) But nonetheless, I thought I was awesome.  So when I  found myself, 2 weeks after our wedding, in Nashville surrounded by people who thought Jimmy was awesome, I grew angry, resentful, and insecure.

People were enthralled with his music and only knew me as his wife.  ”How lucky I must be to be married to such a wonderful man!”  ”Isn’t he awesome?”  ”God has greatly gifted this man!”  I was surrounded by people who didn’t care about me and were telling me how wonderful my new husband was.  This was a direct assault to that root of pride that had been growing in my heart.

“What about me?!  I’m pretty awesome too!  Have you seen how great of a Christian I am?  How gifted I am?  Hello!  He’s the lucky one, not me!”  This monstrous pride that had been lying dormant and growing for years suddenly reared its ugly head.  And boy was it ugly.  I began to lash out in the only place I could without losing my “awesome Christian girl” reputation: at my husband.  I said hateful things.  I found myself in anger I never knew I was capable of .

This lead to confusion and disillusionment: “I’m better than this!  Why am I so angry, so hateful and unforgiving?  So insecure and jealous? I am a good Christian!”  Looking to my own ability to be good, I wondered why my idol of self wasn’t coming through for me.  Why wasn’t my normal way of life working anymore?  This was one circumstance where I couldn’t look to my own good works any more.

Thank God for this direct assault on my pride, this crushing of my idol of self.  Without this challenging season I would have never been able to even see my pride.  He used my circumstances to stir up the waters of my life and all that prideful sediment that was accumulating at the bottom swirled to the surface where I could see it for what it was: sin.  Nasty, ugly sin.

The interesting thing about pride is that it is self-deceiving.  Meaning, while walking in pride, you don’t even realize that you are prideful.  You actually think you are right; not in any sin.  (See Jer 49:16, Oba 1:3, 1 Cor 3:18, Gal 6:3) So for a while I was in denial that I had an issue with pride and love of self.  I still thought the problem was my circumstance: my husband’s career choice, his lack of understanding of my situation, other people’s blindness to my plight, etc.  And as long as I stayed in this denial with my focus on others, nothing changed.

A few months into marriage, things finally started to change.  In the middle of an argument with Jimmy, God supernaturally opened the eyes of my heart to see clearly: I was full of pride and arrogance and had been trusting my own works above the work of Jesus.  In brokenness and tears I fell to my face before God.  I vividly remember my prayer on that night: “Dear Lord, I have never felt more ashamed of myself.  I deserve the depths of hell for this pride and arrogance in my heart.  Thank you for your saving grace that covers me.”  I realized in that moment what I truly was: a closet Pharisee.  Disguised in the outward adornment of good Christian behavior, my soul had cultivated the pride and self-sufficiency of a Pharisee.  Of all those in scripture, I had become as those that Jesus most harshly condemns.

But, what a merciful God to show me the sin in my heart.  He graciously and intentionally gave me a very gifted husband with a very public ministry.  It was through this that God showed me my pride. It was through this that He began to cultivated a true heart of humility and Christ-likeness in me. (Let this also serve as a warning to those who think marriage will make them happy and satisfy their hearts.  Marriage is often God’s chosen sanctification instrument, which means there are many times that it is not fun, but rather hard.  Jesus alone must be the one we look to for fulfillment and joy.  Only then can marriage have its proper place in our lives.)

Over the years, I have become more sensitive toward my pharisaical tendencies.  I often study the characteristics of the Pharisees and the charges Jesus brings against them in an effort to rid my own heart of such things.  Later this week, I will post about “The Marks of a Pharisee” and how I fight against those inclinations in my own life.

The Myth of “The One”

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“I think he might be the one!”

Aren’t we all waiting to get to that moment in a relationship? There is this concept that has been propagated through an abundance of romantic comedies as well as our American Christian culture that we all have one perfect soul mate out there somewhere. But I want to propose that this idea of “the one” is a myth and is an idea that is actually bringing more harm than good to those who embrace it.

First, let’s talk about what I mean when I say “The One.” There is a right way and a wrong way to view this. As Christians, we know that Psalm 139 says “all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” Because God is aware of what will happen throughout the course of our life, he obviously knows who we will marry if we get married. This is 100% Biblical and a correct way to think. If this is how you see “the one,” then this article is not for you. But there is another, more common way that “the one” is viewed that is not Biblical. It defines the one as the singular other human on the planet who can complete you, satisfy all your longings, and the only one with whom you can have a successful marriage. We see this concept in movies like Jerry Maguire (the famous “You complete me” line), and Twilight (“You’re my only reason to stay alive.”). This concept of “the one” is what I am dealing with in this article. The idea of hoping in one person to complete and satisfy you might not seem that bad on the surface, but underneath it results in numerous problems in marriage and singleness.


The Impact in Marriage

Belief in the one has taken a biblical view of God’s sovereignty and distorted it, implying that there is only one other human being on the planet that we can have a fulfilling and successful marriage with. This causes us to place our hope for a successful marriage in who we marry instead of in Jesus. This unfairly puts incredible pressure on our spouse to satisfy us and brings sure disappointment when they don’t live up to our expectations.

If your hope for a satisfying marriage is based on meeting the perfect person, what happens when 3 years in that person isn’t making you feel as wonderful as you hoped? They immediately become the one to blame for your unhappiness. “If you would just love me like you used to when we were dating, I’d be happier!” Marriage can quickly turn into a finger-pointing blame game if your basis for happiness is your perfect soulmate. Even if you are the two most compatible people on the planet, you will still have conflict because we are all sinners and self-centered by default.

The ramifications of this outlook can be enormous. If you become unhappy in marriage, you may convince yourself you made a mistake and your spouse wasn’t actually the one. This could potentially lead you to justify divorce simply because of unhappiness. Or if you don’t divorce, you may live under a constant feeling that you have settled for something less than you deserve leading to deep-rooted bitterness toward your spouse.

Secondly, the one concept encourages a self-centered view of marriage. Biblically, marriage should be all about the glory of God, just as every aspect of our lives should be (see 1 Corin 10:31). We should be striving for a partnership in marriage that is about bringing God glory and seeking Him together. But when you look to your spouse for satisfaction, meaning and worth, it immediately turns your view inward, instead of upward to Jesus. It promotes an attitude of “what can I get” from my spouse instead of “what can I give.” As Christians, we are called not to be served by our spouse but to serve them, just like the Jesus we follow (Matt 20:28).


The Impact in Singleness

The one mentality also affects those who are single. Believing there is only one human who can meet your needs can cause great anxiety and fear of missing that person or choosing the wrong person. You may be dating someone who loves Jesus, someone you could have a great marriage with, but doubt he is the one. This may cause you to be obsessed with thoughts like, “what if there is someone better out there for me?” Or if you aren’t dating, you might be tempted to always keep your eye out for the one instead of shifting all your gaze toward Jesus, where it should be.

Another problem is that this mindset encourages single people to look to their feelings to determine whether to date or marry someone. “I just feel like he is the one!” “I think we may get married, but I just don’t feel like I expected I would when I met the one.” The main problem here is this: Feelings are NEVER a solid foundation for a relationship, or for anything else for that matter. Our feelings can change in a matter of hours and often aren’t a picture of reality. Yet I find that this is usually the first and greatest basis people give for dating someone.

Now don’t get me wrong, it isn’t bad to have all those butterfly-like feelings. There are many of my friends who are married to a man they had these type of feelings toward early on. But it isn’t always the case, neither does it need to be a prerequisite for a good relationship or marriage. In either situation, the point remains: feelings are never a solid foundation for a relationship or marriage because they change. It is only a matter of time before that amazing person you were sure was the one doesn’t make you feel quite as wonderful. And if the basis for dating/marrying that person was how you felt at the time, then when those feelings go away it will shake your whole relationship.

The one idea doesn’t just promote judging relationships by our feelings, but also causes us to feel entitled to certain romantic expectations in our relationships. Sometimes, from movies or our own imaginations, we can have incredibly lofty expectations of what it will be like to finally meet the one: how he or she will treat us, how he will propose, how she will look, etc. So, what if you are dating someone and he doesn’t do anything for your 6 month anniversary? Or he proposes over dinner at chili’s instead of the elaborate evening you had hoped for? Or he doesn’t look at all like you thought, or heaven forbid he is the same height or shorter than you? If you’ve embraced the one mentality, you may doubt your entire relationship based on these unmet expectations. But in all reality, you can have a successful marriage with someone who proposes over dinner or someone who proposes on national television. You can have a successful marriage with someone who is taller than or shorter than you. These things don’t make successful marriages!


The Biggest Problem

But more than all these reasons I’ve just mentioned, the greatest problem with this idea of the one is that it tends to promote idolatry. Let me explain. Often, there is so much expectation wrapped up in the idea of meeting the perfect man or woman that you begin to look to this person above all else for fulfillment. Whether it is your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend or an imaginary future someone, looking to them for meaning more than Jesus makes them an idol. Anything you feel you need to be happy besides Jesus is an idol. Ultimately, if anyone is truly the one for us, it is Jesus. He is the only one we should look to with hope and expectation to meet our needs, satisfy our souls, and give us purpose. For all else is rubbish compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Him! (Phil 3:7-9)

To recap, if you truly embrace the idea of the one as defined in this article, the result will be anxiety and fear in singleness and/or dating, an incorrect basis for evaluating potential spouses, a self-focused view of marriage leading to disappointment and potentially divorce, and ultimately and most importantly idolatry.


How to Have a Successful Marriage

So if we refuse to embrace this concept of the one, what is an appropriate way to evaluate marriage partners? That starts with an appropriate view of what it takes to have a successful marriage. A successful marriage is found through two people, whose hope is in Jesus, who are committed to the covenant they made and consider the other person as better than themselves. This is only made possible through Jesus. He is the only one who can fill us up, satisfy our souls’ need for love and purpose. He gives us the ability to die to ourselves and consider our spouse as more important than ourselves. As we seek Him and are filled up by Him each day, we are enabled to look to our marriage with the view of “what can I give?” As we study and learn of His faithfulness to sinners like us, we are able to choose to keep our own marriage covenant when our spouse isn’t fulfilling their end of the deal. Jesus is our hope for a good marriage!

Honestly, I believe you can take any two people who love Jesus, have their eyes on Him for fulfillment, and who long to keep their covenant and serve each other, and they will have a successful marriage! It doesn’t matter how “compatible” they are, how much they have in common, or even how strong of feelings they have toward one another. Those things do not make a successful marriage, a love for Jesus and His glory above all else does.

So, instead of asking the question “Is he the one? Is she the one?”, we should ask “Can I have a God-glorifying, Jesus-centered marriage with him/her?” Rather than looking for someone that can meet all our needs, we should instead look for someone who loves Jesus more than anything and seeks to glorify God in all they do. These things applied in the realm of marriage will make it successful, satisfying, and fulfilling. Let’s choose today to change the norm in how we view relationships and marriage. Let’s put Jesus back in the center of it all!

**updated on Nov. 1**

The Influence of a Woman

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Before I get into my topic for today, I wanted to give you a brief update on my blog.  Because I think it is incredibly important to be purposeful in everything you do, I recently wrote about the purpose of my writing and this blog.  You can check it out here: “No Apologies.”  In that post I had asked for any topic suggestions or questions that you had for me.  After reading through the responses I received, I’ve decided to write about some of those things in the coming weeks.  Here are some posts to be on the look out for:

  • Becoming a Jesus-Follower: My testimony
  • A Day in the Life: My life being married to a recording artist
  • The Sabbath: The forgotten command
  • Sharing Your Faith: How to live a lifestyle of evangelism
  • How to Encourage Others Effectively
  • Dating & Marriage: The purpose of romance in the believer’s life
For today however, I wanted to write about the powerful influence of a woman.  I am currently reading through 2 Chronicles and am greatly enjoying it!  I have learned so much through studying the history of the Israelite people in Kings and Chronicles and strongly encourage you to read straight through these books if you never have. (This is actually my first time to read straight through them!)


Chapter 21 describes the reign of King Jehoram, the son of Jehoshaphat, grandson of Asa.  Jehoshaphat, though not perfect in his reign, was known for how he sought after the Lord.  He was humble and trusted in God in moments of adversity.  And Asa, his grandfather was also a man who sought after the Lord and trusted God in hard times.  With such a rich spiritual heritage, I expected Jehoram to follow in their footsteps.  But to my surprise, this chapter starts out with Jehoram killing all his brothers as soon as he became king.  It doesn’t even give a reason why he did this.  He also led the people of Judah astray by enticing them to worship other gods (v. 11).  So what happened to Jehoram?  How did a guy with such a great start to life turn out so bad?


Well let me introduce you to his wife.  Her name is Athaliah and she is known by her parents.  This girl is the daughter of Ahab and Jezebel.  Ahab was king of Israel and was more wicked than every king before him!  This is one bad dude.  He was also married to Jezebel, who was a very deceitful, conniving, evil woman herself.  1 Kings 18:19 mentions how all the prophets of Baal and the Asherah (the false gods and idols of the day) ate at Jezebel’s table.  To sum up this couple’s life: “Surely there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do evil in the sight of the Lord, because Jezebel his wife incited him.” (1 Kings 21:25)  Can you imagine growing up in this home?


It is Ahab & Jezebel’s daughter who marries Jehoram and clearly she had a significant influence on him.  ”Jehoram walked in the way of the kings of Israel, just as the house of Ahab did (for Ahab’s daughter was his wife), and he did evil in the sight of the Lord.”  This same story is written in 2 Kings 8:18: “Jehoram walked in the way of the kings of Israel, just as the house of Ahab had done, for the daughter of Ahab became his wife; and he did evil in the sight of the Lord.”  This one woman had more influence on her husband than his father and grandfather.


In the very next chapter of 2 Chronicles we see her continue to have an affect on her family.  Once her husband, King Jehoram dies, her son Ahaziah becomes king.  And what does it say of Ahaziah? “He also walked in the ways of the house of Ahab, for his mother was his counselor to do wickedly.  He did evil in the sight of the Lord like the house of Ahab.” (22:3-4)


As I read these chapters this morning, I couldn’t help but notice the incredibly powerful impact this one woman had on her husband and son.  Judah went from having good kings that trusted in the Lord and sought Him with all their heart to wicked kings that did evil in His sight so quickly.  And it is all because of the influence of one woman.


This has lead me to ask this question: what kind of influence am I having on my family?  I might not be causing the same kind of great evil in my family as Athaliah caused hers, but I still need to evaluate how I am…….  Do I criticize my husband and cause him to shrink into passivity?  Or do I encourage him and strengthen him to step up into his God-given leadership positions with confidence?  Do I have an complaining and woe-is-me attitude that makes my home a sorrowful place to be?  Or do I have a grateful and cheerful heart that brings joy to our home?  Do I treat my daughter like she is an inconvenience to my day and a burden?  Or like she is a blessing and a wonderful gift to be celebrated and enjoyed?


I might not be seeking to cause evil and wickedness in my family, but I do have an influence.  And I believe my influence can be just as powerful and long lasting in my family as Athaliah’s was in hers.  And I pray that God will continue to grow me into a woman whose family is blessed and better off because of her.

A Greater End

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Twelve-twenty a.m. is probably way too late to be starting a blog, but I can’t seem to get this topic off my mind and have been aching to write about it for a couple months now. (Thank you faithful blog readers for your patience by the way.) So give me grace as I work through this topic in an exhausted yet caffeinated state of mind.


Jimmy & Lively

I love being a wife and a mother. Investing in a family is what I have always wanted to do with my life. I consider it my primary ministry to serve these two wonderful blessings pictured to the left. I am constantly researching ways I can improve in these roles, whether it be learning how to help my teething daughter or how to create a more welcoming atmosphere for my husband to come home to. This is my job and I love it! But to what end am I seeking excellence in these roles? Is it because that’s what I’m supposed to do? Or because Scripture calls me to consider others as better than myself? I know that God values my roles as wife and mother, so maybe that is why I am supposed to strive to be good at them. Maybe it’s simply because I love my husband and daughter and serving them is a natural response.


Though all those things are good reasons, there is still a greater end than this. It is simply and decidedly the GLORY OF GOD. The end goal of excellence as a wife and a mom should be THE GLORY OF GOD. I know this sounds like your classic Sunday school answer, but don’t check out. What does it really mean to do something for the glory of God? The Word glory literally means “heavy” or “weighty” in the Hebrew. To bring God glory means to give weight to Him, in a positive sense. If something is weighty, you don’t take it lightly. Rather, you have to seriously consider it and deal with it. In the same way, by bringing God glory, I give weight to Him and cause others to take Him more seriously and to have a more positive view of Him than they did before. This is bringing glory to God. And this is the reason I should seek to be excellent in my roles as a wife and a mother.


1 Corinthians 10:31 echoes this: “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” It is an interesting concept to think about serving Jimmy and Lively for a greater reason than simply because I love them. But they themselves should not be the ultimate end of my service to them. God is the reason I should seek to serve them with such fervor. The reason I seek to be excellent in these roles is ultimately so my God will be looked upon by this world in a more serious and more positive light. Now that is exciting motivation!


With all my heart I long for others to know the abundant joy it is to know my God through His Son, Jesus! The joy of my life and the heartbeat behind all I do is Jesus! What I wouldn’t give for more people to be enthralled with Him and simply knowing Him! So to be reminded that this is the very reason I am to strive to be excellent as a wife and mom is the greatest motivation.


This is also true of all the commands in the Word of God. Why consider others as greater than yourself? Why honor your mom and dad? Why strive for a life of purity? Why be excellent at your job or in your schoolwork? Not just because “God says so,” or “because it’s the right thing to do,” but because it is so counter-cultural that other people are forced to take God seriously when we do these things consistently. It makes Him look good and gives Him more weight. And in a culture that laughs and jokes about Jesus and Christians, the more weight we can bring to God the better.


I pray that this brings renewed motivation to do what we are called to do with excellence. The reputation of our God is at stake! We are to bring Him glory! To make Him weighty and cause others to take Him seriously. Whether you work, drive, do homework, wash dishes, change diapers, cook dinner, mow the lawn, go shopping, exercise, go to class, live with roommates, eat, drink, or whatever you do, do it all in a way that makes our God look good! Do it all for the glory of God!

On the road again…

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View from the stage

It’s 7:30am on a Sunday morning and I have already left Massachusetts, driven into Connecticut, flown into Washington DC, and am now on a flight to Houston. You know you’re on the road with the band when you have already been in 3 states before 8am. Last night was the first of many concerts Jimmy will be doing with Acquire the Fire, a conference whose purpose is to ignite a movement of students who are passionate about Jesus. With multiple bands, speakers, drama teams, hundreds of staff and volunteers and thousands of students, it was quite an event! I am grateful that I was able to join the guys for this concert in Amherst, MA.


A lot of you know that I used to travel with Jimmy all the time. Our first 2 1/2 years of marriage I was Jimmy’s road manager, merchandise manager, violinist, and for a time, his general manager. I loved this time we had to travel together and will never forget the great memories we have from those early years. But when the opportunity arose for me to take a full time position in our church’s high school ministry, I couldn’t pass it up. Now, joining my husband on his worldwide travels is a much more infrequent occurrence.

Blake, Tim, Jimmy, Josh, Chasen

 

One of my favorite things about being on the road is seeing Jimmy’s ministry and calling in action. I love being able to pray for him during his set and hear the excellence of his music in action. He is passionate about the Gospel and it is evident in every song and every word. Another joy of traveling is just being around the guys again. Through years of traveling together in vans, buses, and planes, Jimmy’s band have become like brothers to me. All of them are such godly men of character and integrity and are an absolute joy to be around. Though you probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you how ridiculously goofy they are when they get together. It always keeps me laughing! (By the way, you can follow Jimmy’s band on twitter by clicking on their names: Tim, Josh, Chase, Blake. I think they’ll keep you laughing too.)



As I was preparing to leave for this weekend, I began thinking about what it means to be a help to my husband on the road. In the past, running merchandise and road managing was the way that I helped. Now that I don’t have any of those same responsibilities, I tend to feel helpless and out of place when I’m on the road with him. In past shows, I have been a distracting and attention-demanding wife due to my lack of purpose. Not wanting to carry on that inappropriate habit, I began thinking through my role as Jimmy’s wife a few days before leaving with the purpose to be a bit more proactive in my approach to this weekend.

During the concert

 


When I think about what it means to be a wife, the word ezer comes to my mind. This is the Hebrew word used of Eve in Genesis 2 when she is described as Adam’s helper, or help-meet. A very dynamic and telling word, ezer is used only twice of woman and is most commonly used of describe God. “I life my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the Maker of Heaven and earth.”(Psalm 121:1-2) “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1) Both of these verses use ezer in the Hebrew. As I have studied every other place in the Old Testament where this word is used, amazing new meaning arises for what it means to be a helper to your husband. The use of this word in the scriptures brings to life the sense of protection, strengthening, and life-giving encouragement it was meant to convey. To be a help to your husband is so much more than simply housework. It is the vital role of strengthening and enabling him to do what God has called him to do while becoming a place of encouragement and protection for him when that calling gets rough. It is a great honor and privilege to play such a critical and indispensible role.


As I contemplated these things in preparation for this trip, I began to ask myself: how can I be this kind of help to my husband when I have no actual role to play on the road? I started by eliminating what I should not do. I am not helping when I am demanding his attention throughout the course of the day. (Yes, I tend to think Jimmy should always be paying attention to me when I’m with him. I mean, I am his wife right?) Though they might not look like anyone else’s, Jimmy’s workdays consist of sound-checks, twitter postings, band meetings, prayer time, concerts, autograph signings, and meet-and-greets. And when I become a distraction to these things, I cease being helpful. So this trip, I brought a few things to work on to alleviate my tendency to need to be the center of attention.


A second way I can practically be an ezer is by simply being a servant to Jimmy and his band. It may be getting extra waters, helping sell merchandise, filming the show, or simply holding open doors.


Lastly, being a help to my husband is sometimes simply being available to him. Whether he needs encouragement, good company to eat dinner with, someone to pray with or bounce ideas off of, or just a listening ear, I long to be for him a place of refuge and comfort.


All in all, I felt like this trip was a successful one in those respects. I effectively stayed out of the way to let the guys do their thing, while serving and providing help to them as needed. I love the privilege I have in being an ezer to my husband! I believe this is my highest calling and most important ministry, second only to growing my relationship with God. I was created to play a vital role in my husband’s ministry and calling and there is such joy in doing just that.



More thoughts on this weekend coming soon…

Day 7 – Giving Up Control

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It’s been exactly one week since Jimmy left and I am just astounded at the wonderful things the Lord has been teaching me! I am full of gratitude today as I consider the great work He is doing in my heart. I am only sad it has taken me so long to willingly open up my heart to His gentle correction.


I paused in the middle of my prayer time today to sit back and listen to the instrumental song playing in the background: the old hymn “Trust and Obey.” Jimmy and I both greatly enjoy hymns because of their great theological lyrical content and I couldn’t help but just meditate on the words as the melody played on.

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.



This week has been an act of laying it all on the alter and truly seeking to have a heart that is trusting and obedient to the Lord in every aspect of my life. It was as I meditated on this hymn that I felt God bring to my attention an area in my life that has not come fully under the trust and obedience of Him: submitting to authorities. As a believer, and specifically as a woman, the call of submission is of upmost importance. 1 Peter 2:13 calls me to “submit myself for the Lord’s sake to every human institution” while Ephesians 5:21 says that a product of being filled with the Spirit is “submitting to other believers in reverence for Christ.” It is a call placed on me as a believer and follower of Christ: to have a heart that is submissive.

 Continue reading →

10 Days of Prayer and Repentance

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THE PROBLEM


International trips. Big time difference + expensive phone call rates + busy tour schedule = no fun. While a trip to another country probably sounds like a good thing, it is usually very challenging on our marriage. When I used to travel with Jimmy it was fun! We got to see the sights together and be together. But since my transition to staying home more often, I flinch at the sight of an international trip on the calendar. I tend to get frustrated often about the challenge of communication and feel hurt easily by the lack of connection because I take it personally. One time we got in a fight while Jimmy was in another country and the pressure of mounting cell phone charges made it worse. But since Jimmy won’t go on stage when we are not ok, we had to work it out. Let’s just say it showed up BIG TIME on our cell phone bill the next month. Ouch.


Well today I dropped Jimmy off at the airport for a short weekend trip to Alabama followed by a week and a half trip to Denmark. While this is not the longest we’ve been apart, it’s certainly the longest international trip he’s done without me. I’ve been anticipating this trip for a while and wondering if there was any way I could make it a better experience than usual. I was also challenged through a book this week to stop fighting my situation, but rather, with God’s help, seek to thrive within it.

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A woman who hopes in God

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Day 10.


Today is day 10 of being home by myself. These long weeks of doing life at home without Jimmy are usually challenging to me. But this week more than usual. In addition to a challenging week at work preparing for a mission trip, Jimmy has also had a very time-consuming schedule on the road. Top that with bad phone signal, and that’s a recipe for poor communication and misunderstandings.


My continuous prayer throughout this week has been “Help me be a woman who hopes in God.” This prayer was instigated by a John Piper sermon on 1 Peter 3. “For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves…” 1 Peter 3:5. These holy women of old, who we are to look up to and model our lives after have only one defining characteristic: they hoped in God!! John Piper went on to say that the strongest and most defining characteristic of Biblical womanhood is simply that: hope in God. Not hope in a husband, not hope in a job, or friends, or family. But hope in a sovereign and faithful God!

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Life After Marriage

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God wants to be first in our lives over all other relationships for many good reasons. Little did I know that I would revisit this issue in marriage.


When I was single I was either satisfied with God or wasn’t satisfied at all. I didn’t have a spouse or boyfriend to give me the love I was seeking outside of God. It forced me to seek God because He was the only one around. I didn’t have the option of receiving love from anyone but God. Many single people struggle to find their fulfillment in God instead longing for a spouse. Often we believe that when married, this struggle will be over- but this is a huge lie. If we already struggle with God being enough for us when we are single, then it gets worse when we are dating or married. Now there is someone to take His place, someone who can give us some kind of love when we aren’t receiving it from God. It has become dangerous because it’s EASIER for us to be ok without God (that’s a scary thought) because there is someone else’s love available for us to choose first.

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My First Love – Part 4 of 4

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This process of forsaking my idols of marriage and returning to my first love and learning to call God ’Husband’ instead of ’Master’ has powerfully changed my life. I am a more passionate follower of Jesus who is not burdened by the commands of the Bible, but ecstatic about them, and I have a healthier view of marriage and relationships.

The Lord changed me tremendously after I returned to Him in September 2005. The months following the surrender of my “love life” were some of the most freeing, exhilarating, and joyful times in my life! I fell more in love with Jesus than I ever have before and my relationship with Him deepened in new ways that I didn’t know were possible. Instead of always looking for my future husband, I began looking for God and waiting for Him to reveal more of Himself each day. I never really thought about whom I was going to marry again. I knew that God would show me what to do in every situation.

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