First of all, I am excited that a few of you will be joining me in these 10 days of prayer! Karen and Vertina, I hope your time with God these next days is refreshing and powerful. I know it already has been for me in just day 1. Can’t wait to hear from you at the end.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts;
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting”
Be careful when you pray this. God might show you things in your heart that you didn’t know where there. After my first day of prayer, I have concluded that it’s not about me. Of course this is a truth that I think I know and have “mastered,” but, unfortunately, that is not the case.
This was written in the fall of 2008 when we were on tour with Barlow Girl, living on a tour bus for 2 months.
Some of my favorite verses are Philippians 3:7-8: “Whatever was to my profit, I now consider loss for the sake of knowing Christ. What is more, I consider all things a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.”
How sweet to be reminded that there is nothing greater than simply knowing Jesus; that knowing Him is not a means to an end, but the end itself. I LOVE these verses. They were on the back of my letter jacket, in my Facebook profile, and I have very often quoted them and identified with them. And although these verses were often an accurate picture of my heart, lately this has not been the case.
God wants to be first in our lives over all other relationships for many good reasons. Little did I know that I would revisit this issue in marriage.
When I was single I was either satisfied with God or wasn’t satisfied at all. I didn’t have a spouse or boyfriend to give me the love I was seeking outside of God. It forced me to seek God because He was the only one around. I didn’t have the option of receiving love from anyone but God. Many single people struggle to find their fulfillment in God instead longing for a spouse. Often we believe that when married, this struggle will be over- but this is a huge lie. If we already struggle with God being enough for us when we are single, then it gets worse when we are dating or married. Now there is someone to take His place, someone who can give us some kind of love when we aren’t receiving it from God. It has become dangerous because it’s EASIER for us to be ok without God (that’s a scary thought) because there is someone else’s love available for us to choose first.