Category Archives: life on the road

Closet Pharisee

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“Fill up, then, the measure of the guilt of your fathers.  You serpents, you brood of vipers, how will you escape the sentence of hell?” ~Jesus, Matthew 23: 32-33

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You’d think these words were said to a murderer, or a sexually perverted or promiscuous person, or a thief.  But no, Jesus was speaking to the religious leaders of the day.

Wait, did you catch that… Jesus’s harshest words of judgment are to the religious leaders of the day.  This should cause the ears of this religious church girl to perk up and listen.  Why such harsh words?  And what did these religious people do to merit such severe judgment?  And how do I make sure I am truly following Jesus and not the path of these anti-Jesus religious people?  These are questions I should have asked in my early years of following Jesus.

Even though I fell in love with Jesus early in my life, there grew an inward bent of my soul, slowly and stealthily, that was hardly noticeable.  I’m not sure exactly how it started.  Maybe it was the subconscious joy I found in the acclaim of people in being such a “good Christian.”  Maybe I couldn’t help but notice how much “better” I was than my peers.  Somewhere along the way, I began to delight in my good works more than the work of Jesus.  My heart started to reflect that of a Pharisee more than Jesus.

The Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9-14)

The Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9-14)

No matter how it started, a root of pride began to grow in my heart and for years it was watered with the praise of others and my own comparison to my peers.  I became really good at “being a Christian.” In the morning, I trusted my ability to have a good quiet time and memorize scripture.  In the evening, I found peace in my “maturity” to worship with hands raised.  I no longer needed Jesus as my savior.  My good deeds had become my functional savior.  I knew the right words to say, the right things to do to look like the best Jesus-follower out there.

Like the Pharisees, I was completely blind to my sinful pride.  It wasn’t until I got married that this slow-growing disease was made clear to me.  Before saying “I do,” I thought I was pretty awesome and that Jimmy was pretty lucky to have such a godly wife.  (Though I NEVER would have said that, obviously, because that is a pretty prideful thing to think and I wasn’t prideful… I was a humble, servant-hearted Christian.) But nonetheless, I thought I was awesome.  So when I  found myself, 2 weeks after our wedding, in Nashville surrounded by people who thought Jimmy was awesome, I grew angry, resentful, and insecure.

People were enthralled with his music and only knew me as his wife.  ”How lucky I must be to be married to such a wonderful man!”  ”Isn’t he awesome?”  ”God has greatly gifted this man!”  I was surrounded by people who didn’t care about me and were telling me how wonderful my new husband was.  This was a direct assault to that root of pride that had been growing in my heart.

“What about me?!  I’m pretty awesome too!  Have you seen how great of a Christian I am?  How gifted I am?  Hello!  He’s the lucky one, not me!”  This monstrous pride that had been lying dormant and growing for years suddenly reared its ugly head.  And boy was it ugly.  I began to lash out in the only place I could without losing my “awesome Christian girl” reputation: at my husband.  I said hateful things.  I found myself in anger I never knew I was capable of .

This lead to confusion and disillusionment: “I’m better than this!  Why am I so angry, so hateful and unforgiving?  So insecure and jealous? I am a good Christian!”  Looking to my own ability to be good, I wondered why my idol of self wasn’t coming through for me.  Why wasn’t my normal way of life working anymore?  This was one circumstance where I couldn’t look to my own good works any more.

Thank God for this direct assault on my pride, this crushing of my idol of self.  Without this challenging season I would have never been able to even see my pride.  He used my circumstances to stir up the waters of my life and all that prideful sediment that was accumulating at the bottom swirled to the surface where I could see it for what it was: sin.  Nasty, ugly sin.

The interesting thing about pride is that it is self-deceiving.  Meaning, while walking in pride, you don’t even realize that you are prideful.  You actually think you are right; not in any sin.  (See Jer 49:16, Oba 1:3, 1 Cor 3:18, Gal 6:3) So for a while I was in denial that I had an issue with pride and love of self.  I still thought the problem was my circumstance: my husband’s career choice, his lack of understanding of my situation, other people’s blindness to my plight, etc.  And as long as I stayed in this denial with my focus on others, nothing changed.

A few months into marriage, things finally started to change.  In the middle of an argument with Jimmy, God supernaturally opened the eyes of my heart to see clearly: I was full of pride and arrogance and had been trusting my own works above the work of Jesus.  In brokenness and tears I fell to my face before God.  I vividly remember my prayer on that night: “Dear Lord, I have never felt more ashamed of myself.  I deserve the depths of hell for this pride and arrogance in my heart.  Thank you for your saving grace that covers me.”  I realized in that moment what I truly was: a closet Pharisee.  Disguised in the outward adornment of good Christian behavior, my soul had cultivated the pride and self-sufficiency of a Pharisee.  Of all those in scripture, I had become as those that Jesus most harshly condemns.

But, what a merciful God to show me the sin in my heart.  He graciously and intentionally gave me a very gifted husband with a very public ministry.  It was through this that God showed me my pride. It was through this that He began to cultivated a true heart of humility and Christ-likeness in me. (Let this also serve as a warning to those who think marriage will make them happy and satisfy their hearts.  Marriage is often God’s chosen sanctification instrument, which means there are many times that it is not fun, but rather hard.  Jesus alone must be the one we look to for fulfillment and joy.  Only then can marriage have its proper place in our lives.)

Over the years, I have become more sensitive toward my pharisaical tendencies.  I often study the characteristics of the Pharisees and the charges Jesus brings against them in an effort to rid my own heart of such things.  Later this week, I will post about “The Marks of a Pharisee” and how I fight against those inclinations in my own life.

A Day in the Life…

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Today was a perfect example of how being married to Jimmy makes my life weird.

We showed up at Panera bread this afternoon to meet with a pastor in our area for the very first time. We had just sat down when a stranger walked up and asked, “Excuse me, but are you Jimmy Needham?” After Jimmy signed a sheet of notebook paper for her, we exchanged a few cordial introductions then returned to our conversation. I am very grateful for that girl today and her support of Jimmy and his music but again, these are the things just make our life… weird.

Most of you reading this are probably already familiar with my husband and his music. For those of you who have no idea who he is and wonder why you should, I am glad you are here! Honestly, he is just a normal guy like any other. But to most people he is Jimmy Needham. He is a Christian singer/songwriter and recording artist with Inpop records. He is played on radio stations across the country and in many other countries as well!

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore my husband and I am thrilled to be married to him and absolutely love supporting him in his calling as a singer/songwriter/recording artist. But the truth is, that because of what he does, our life is different. 

Jimmy’s growing fame was originally a source of great insecurity and frustration for me. When we got married, all our friends and family knew me for me: my personality, my strengths and weakness, my love for Jesus. But when we were on the road, people only knew me for one thing: I was married to Jimmy.

“Ooohhh, you’re Jimmy’s wife!” “You are so lucky to be married to Jimmy Needham!” “Oh my gosh, your husband is just so cute!” Jimmy’s fans had no other way to identify me than with him. I was Mrs. Needham. Not Kelly, the Jesus-lover, the classical music listener, the competitive board game player. Just Jimmy’s wife. Unfortunately, being around all these Jimmy-centered comments caused me to begin to define myself by my husband. And thus my insecurity was birthed. Jesus was a solid place for my identity to rest. It wasn’t threatened there. But when my identity rested on my husband, it was very very shaky.

It was through these experiences that God showed me I had put my hope in the wrong place. And still, every time I am on the road with Jimmy, it causes me to check my heart. Within moments of arriving at the venue, I am immediately aware of where my hope has been. If I am filled with insecurities, I know that I have some work to do in my heart. If my confidence doesn’t waver, I know that my trust is in the right place.

Another major area affected by Jimmy’s chosen career path is my life at home. Jimmy is on the road anywhere from 2-5 days a week on average. This means that on those days he is gone, I live as a single mom for the most part. I take care of our house, our meals, our shopping, our daughter, and our dog by myself. I wake up alone and go to bed alone and often go to church alone. Even though these days are often exhausting, I am so grateful for this aspect of my life.

Why would I be grateful, you might ask? Every time Jimmy goes on the road, I sense God asking me: “Am I still enough for you?” Through all my days of singleness I often confessed that Jesus alone was all I needed and these days of aloneness remind me this is still true. And what a wonderful thing to be reminded of! Jesus is truly all I need. He is enough for me! On these days, any dependence I have put on my husband gets worked out of my heart and put back on Jesus. Consequently, I often have sweet times of prayer and worship and study in the Word on these days alone.

Another reason I am grateful for Jimmy’s travel is that I get to look forward to him coming home! Though a life of routine and him being home every night would be really nice, I think it could also become boring. On a weekly basis, I get the privilege of anticipating my husband’s arrival and finding new ways to welcome him home. This has brought a joy and a spark of freshness in our marriage that I am so glad for!

Honestly, the hardest part about Jimmy traveling is that it causes me to be alone. Not lonely. Just literally alone. And God created us for community with other people. It is good for us. So I have found that I have to be very very intentional about getting together with people. I try to find at least one friend to see each day. If that doesn’t work, I make sure that I get out of the house once a day, even if it is to just walk around Target with Lively just for fun (thought I can’t bring my wallet or I will find something that I “need.”)

Overall, I am so incredibly grateful for the life God has allowed me to have. I could complain… about the time I have to spend alone, the lack of attention I get on the road, the absence of routine. But complaining is pretty unfulfilling (not to mention a sin, phil 2:14, 1 thess 5:18). The very things that are hard about my life are what make me need Jesus more, which brings me to my main point: And anything that makes me need God more is a blessing! It is better to have a challenging life that pushes me closer to Christ, than a comfortable one that allows me to become complacent in my walk with Him. So I am incredibly grateful.

Not to mention that my husband is the only man I’ve ever found that loves to talk about Jesus as much as me! He is more God-centered and more determined to seek Him than anyone I have ever met. How grateful I am to be his wife!


PS, I thought this might be an opportune time to share a few things NOT to say to an artist’s wife. Though these comments don’t affect me quite as much as they used to, there are better ways to say what you mean than this. And yes, I have heard every one of these statements… a lot.

“You are so lucky to be married to Jimmy Needham!” What this communicates is that I don’t really have that much value in our marriage. What you mean to say is that you really value what he does and who he is. So instead say this: “I really appreciate the ministry of your husband! He is a gifted songwriter and a great performer!”

“You’re husband is so cute/hot/attractive!” First of all, I am usually shocked by this comment. This communicates that you have a physical interest in my husband which is not good on any level. It is a form of the sin of lust for you and puts me on the defense as his wife immediately. While I agree with these comments and it is ok to acknowledge someone is good looking, I am his wife! Just don’t say this at all please. Thank you. =)

“I bet he sings you songs every night and writes you poetry, etc.” This communicates that because I am married to Jimmy, our marriage must be like something out of the movies. By the nature of what Jimmy does, you have just seen him and I at our best, so it may be natural to think we live some kind of dreamy life. But we are normal people with a pretty normal life (beside what I have mentioned in this post). So a comment like this can make me feel bad for our non-dreamy marriage. If you are interested in our life at home just ask. Something like this would be better: “Does Jimmy sing a lot at home? Does he ever sing to you just for fun?” Slight change, but makes a huge difference.


A few things that people have said to me that I really appreciate:

“Thank you for your sacrifice in letting Jimmy travel and minister through his music. It has made a huge difference in my life.” I am always grateful when someone realizes the difference that was made in their life through Jimmy’s music is partly due to the fact that I am supporting/encouraging/praying for him from home. These kinds of comments give me fuel and purpose to get through the hard days.

“Tell me a little bit about you. I heard you play violin?” Any time I am asked about me for me that is wonderful. I am so used to others being interested in me because of Jimmy that it is a treat when someone is interested in me.

“How can I pray for you and Jimmy?” This is always great because we always need prayer and are always grateful when someone offers to support us in this way!

Hopefully these things can help you be a blessing to any other artist’s wives you meet or interact with on the web.

When Christian Bands Get Together…

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Tonight I am writing from the Tuckaleechee Retreat Center in Pigeon Forge, TN. Quite a random place to be on a Tuesday night, I know. This week marks the 3rd annual artist retreat put on by Jimmy’s manager. We are here along with a few other bands: Echoing Angels, Rush of Fools, Chasen, and Rhett Walker… along with all their respective wives and children. When you add in Jimmy’s manager, his family and staff, that brings the total to 60 people! And 17 of them are young kids!

It has been such a joy to be in the company of other believers who are in the same industry and understand the joys and struggles of being in the Christian music industry. These wives deal with the same things I do: spending nights alone at home while their husbands travel, taking care of their children and working other jobs. We understand each other by default of our husband’s calling. And something about that is so refreshing.

We have also had a lot of fun since arriving here. Last night was the songwriting competition in which everybody, wives included, is involved and split into random groups with people from every band mixed together. Just to give you an idea of what kind of competition this was, some of the categories were “Most movie titles used in a song” and “Most Bible verses.” I think some of these videos might end up on youtube… =)

It has been a blast hanging out with such wonderful people! If you aren’t familiar with any of these bands, please check them out. They are all very grounded, Biblically-minded people who loves Jesus and love music. Remember to pray for their wives and children who are always holding down the fort at home and bear the burdens this industry brings with joy.

Here are the band’s websites:
Rush of Fools
Echoing Angels
Wives of Echoing Angels Blog
Chasen
And keep an eye out for upcoming artist, Rhett Walker.

Norwegian Lessons

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Lively in Sweden!

1:30am here in Norway, and Jimmy is about to take the stage for the 3rd time today! You’d think that’d be way to late to start a concert, but since it doesn’t get dark till around 11pm, it’s easier to stay up that long. I actually don’t know if these people actually sleep at night! I’m definitely loving the long days, but 9pm comes so quickly when the sun is up! It’s amazing how much I count on the sunset to let me know what time it is.


I mentioned in my last blog that I have been hoping God would speak to me while we’re here, and so far He’s come through! Though the lessons I’m learning since arriving in Scandinavia have been good, they’ve also been hard. It all started with “an honest moment” I had with God in Sweden a couple days ago. Though I’m generally pretty frank with Him, I tend to keep silent when my frustration is aimed at how He is running things because I know how limited my view is. But every now and then, I just have to let Him know my grievances. Let me share this moment of honesty with you.

It began with a challenging travel day with Lively. I rely very heavily on His grace on these days to get me through each task and challenge. Sometimes those challenges are figuring out where to nurse her while at an outdoor festival or trying to soothe her on a 9 hour flight. This particular day was our first in Sweden and I had been asking Him for help with many things and all to no avail. Lively was fussy most of the day and all of my attempts to soothe her either simply didn’t work or backfired. I didn’t understand why God wasn’t helping me like He usually does! At the end of the day, my dissatisfaction with how things had gone overflowed into one very angry prayer: “God, why aren’t you helping me?! I don’t understand! I believe you can help me because I have seen you do it before. Are you just not listening this time?! I really need you now, so where are you?!”

Lively and I on the Norwegian coast



I don’t feel like I got much of an answer that night, though it is always relieving to be honest with God. The following day was not any better with Lively. As I echoed my prayer from the night before, I felt Him respond to me: “So, you want me to make everything easy for you, is that right?”


Sigh. Yes, I guess that is exactly what I am asking. As I realized the truth of what my request meant, I thought to myself, “And that is rarely what God wants… for things to be easy.” I recalled what He had recently shown me through the Word (Lessons in Sleeplessness): I am to consider myself His servant in the midst of stressful and trying circumstances. Goodness, how could I forget that so quickly. I had also forgotten a fundamental thing about motherhood: like many things, it is intended to sanctify me, to get rid of the selfishness still left in me so I can become more like Jesus. (1 Tim 2:15, Rom 8:29)

View of a small portion of the festival in Norway

Often, being a mother prevents me from doing what I want to do when I want to do it. And quite frankly, it’s really frustrating! For example, during the festival in Norway, I was really enjoying talking with all the other bands and Norwegians backstage when Lively began to get upset. Of course I hadn’t realized how close it was to her bedtime because the sun was still up. I had hoped to explore all the different booths, find a Norwegian shirt, and then stick around for Jimmy’s acoustic concert. With every cry I felt that plan falling apart. Instead, I headed back to the hotel to put her to bed and wait around until Jimmy got done. Lame! I’m in Norway! Who sits in a hotel room when you’re in Norway! A mother of a 6 month old, that’s who. It’s in those moments I say to myself: “I can’t do what I want to do when I want to do it. And that is exactly what God wants for me.” He wants to show me how to sacrifice my own wants and preferences for the sake of serving someone else. That is exactly what Jesus did for me, and my life goal is to become more like Him right? Not to see Norway.


The process of sanctification is not fun; on the other hand, it is very hard. And yet what it produces makes it so worthwhile: freedom from self-worship and selfishness and the fruit of the spirit: joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control and more. I greatly dislike the process, but am always glad to find that afterwards I am able to tackle even more difficult situations with peace and joy. Right now, I am still kind of in the disliking part, but trying to make the best of it and enjoy the quietness of our sleeping sweetheart. But at the end of the day, I am sure grateful that God’s current instrument of sanctification in my life is the cutest little girl I’ve ever seen. And truthfully, I’d give up seeing Norway any day for her. =)

Greetings from Sweden!

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Greetings from Sweden!


Lively and I are traveling with Jimmy and the band this week on a tour of Scandinavia! We will be visiting the beautiful countries of Sweden, Norway, and Denmark and enjoying the cool weather and many hours of sunlight! Being here reminds me of when Jimmy was in Denmark last September. It was during his 10 day trip to Denmark that I decided to do 10 days of prayer and repentance. What a joyful and sweet time that was for me! You can read about what God spoke to me here on my blog in the September archives. This week, I am hoping and praying God speaks to me just as clearly!

Honestly today, I am just happy to not be on a plane! I feel like every mom who travels overseas with an infant should be given an award! A 3-hour flight followed by a 9-hour flight is no small feat. Especially when you have passengers staring at you every time your baby cries. Then we arrived in a country where it is 7 hours ahead of the time zone Lively has known all her short life and where the sun doesn’t set till 10pm and rises around 3am. Let’s just say yesterday was just a tad exhausting.

Now that both my daughter and I have had a good night’s sleep, things are going much better. =) Plus, it is always a joy to be around Jimmy’s band. These guys are like brothers to me and are such incredible men of God. They have embraced Lively like their own niece and gladly entertain her and hold her as I need help.

So now that we have settled in here in beautiful Sweden, I’d like to share with you some of the things I’ve learned in my day and a half of being here:


1. Don’t assume every carton next to the cereal is milk. Today I poured what appeared to be something like sour cream on my cereal.
2. There are a lot of very tall and very blonde people in Sweden.
3. You don’t need air conditioning here because even in the summer it is cool.
4. The Swedish have really good coffee!
5. Needing sunglasses outside at 9pm is a very strange feeling.


That’s all for now! I’ll be posting pictures later this week and more updates from Norway. Goodbye for now!

Lessons in Sleeplessness

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Teething + stuffy nose + out of town = one very unhappy baby


This is the equation that plagued me last week. Our poor little girl had her first cold and boy was it rough! For about 5 nights in a row, I was up almost every hour trying to get her back to sleep because she couldn’t breathe. The frustration followed into the next day because our sick baby was now a tired, sick baby. Then top that off with constant pain from teething and the fact that we are not at home with all her regular toys and Baby Einstein DVDs…. And wow. I felt like I was just trying to make it through one hour at a time.

It’s amazing what a lack of sleep over multiple days does to you. I had checked-out emotionally and spiritually. Discouragement began to set in as I wondered if this was ever going to end. As I drove around Nashville waiting to pick Jimmy up from a writing appointment, I noticed this license plate in front of me. It read: 2COR610. An acute awareness of God’s sovereignty causes me to take these “coincidences” very personally as if God were sending me a message to read 2 Corinthians 6:10. Though it didn’t mean much to me as I quickly glanced at it in my car, I decided it was worth a more in depth look later.

Thankfully, Lively soon fell asleep in the car seat as I drove giving me a precious hour and a half of time to myself. I found a coffee shop and claimed the small nook in the back as my own to sit with this chapter of the Bible and a much needed cup of caffeine… I mean coffee. I began reading from earlier in the chapter: “But in everything commending ourselves as servants of God, in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses, in beatings, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in hunger…” Wait a second!! “in sleeplessness” Those words were balm to my soul. The moment I read them my eyes filled with tears as God’s Word ministered to my soul. In just a split second God spoke so many things to my heart.

First, just seeing the word sleeplessness let me know that God was aware of my situation. Sometimes just to know that He sees me and knows what I am going through brings such comfort. Then, sleeplessness is listed next to imprisonments, beatings, and hunger to name a few! In this I felt like my struggle became legitimate, that it is truly difficult to function without sleep. In the same way our bodies need food to function, they also need sleep to function. Finally, the main point of this whole passage is that even in sleeplessness I am to commend myself as a servant of God. What renewed purpose this gave me to know that I am to serve God in my sleeplessness. Not just get through it, but serve God through it.

I glanced down at the little feet sticking out of the car seat next to me. This little girl was not the burden or inconvenience that she seemed to be this past week, but a blessing that I had the honor of caring for as my service to God. I am to be HIS SERVANT even in sleeplessness.

Oh the Bible! How I love it! It’s pages always bringing such refreshment and renewal to my soul. It is like a never-ending fountain, allowing me to discover new mysteries each time I open it. Wherever you are at today, find time to sit with God in His Word. You might not be a new mom dealing with sleepless nights, but there is fresh wisdom, comfort, and encouragement for every situation in the pages of this precious book.

“How sweet are Your words to my taste!
Yes, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”
Psalm 119:103

On the road again…

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View from the stage

It’s 7:30am on a Sunday morning and I have already left Massachusetts, driven into Connecticut, flown into Washington DC, and am now on a flight to Houston. You know you’re on the road with the band when you have already been in 3 states before 8am. Last night was the first of many concerts Jimmy will be doing with Acquire the Fire, a conference whose purpose is to ignite a movement of students who are passionate about Jesus. With multiple bands, speakers, drama teams, hundreds of staff and volunteers and thousands of students, it was quite an event! I am grateful that I was able to join the guys for this concert in Amherst, MA.


A lot of you know that I used to travel with Jimmy all the time. Our first 2 1/2 years of marriage I was Jimmy’s road manager, merchandise manager, violinist, and for a time, his general manager. I loved this time we had to travel together and will never forget the great memories we have from those early years. But when the opportunity arose for me to take a full time position in our church’s high school ministry, I couldn’t pass it up. Now, joining my husband on his worldwide travels is a much more infrequent occurrence.

Blake, Tim, Jimmy, Josh, Chasen

 

One of my favorite things about being on the road is seeing Jimmy’s ministry and calling in action. I love being able to pray for him during his set and hear the excellence of his music in action. He is passionate about the Gospel and it is evident in every song and every word. Another joy of traveling is just being around the guys again. Through years of traveling together in vans, buses, and planes, Jimmy’s band have become like brothers to me. All of them are such godly men of character and integrity and are an absolute joy to be around. Though you probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you how ridiculously goofy they are when they get together. It always keeps me laughing! (By the way, you can follow Jimmy’s band on twitter by clicking on their names: Tim, Josh, Chase, Blake. I think they’ll keep you laughing too.)



As I was preparing to leave for this weekend, I began thinking about what it means to be a help to my husband on the road. In the past, running merchandise and road managing was the way that I helped. Now that I don’t have any of those same responsibilities, I tend to feel helpless and out of place when I’m on the road with him. In past shows, I have been a distracting and attention-demanding wife due to my lack of purpose. Not wanting to carry on that inappropriate habit, I began thinking through my role as Jimmy’s wife a few days before leaving with the purpose to be a bit more proactive in my approach to this weekend.

During the concert

 


When I think about what it means to be a wife, the word ezer comes to my mind. This is the Hebrew word used of Eve in Genesis 2 when she is described as Adam’s helper, or help-meet. A very dynamic and telling word, ezer is used only twice of woman and is most commonly used of describe God. “I life my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the Maker of Heaven and earth.”(Psalm 121:1-2) “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1) Both of these verses use ezer in the Hebrew. As I have studied every other place in the Old Testament where this word is used, amazing new meaning arises for what it means to be a helper to your husband. The use of this word in the scriptures brings to life the sense of protection, strengthening, and life-giving encouragement it was meant to convey. To be a help to your husband is so much more than simply housework. It is the vital role of strengthening and enabling him to do what God has called him to do while becoming a place of encouragement and protection for him when that calling gets rough. It is a great honor and privilege to play such a critical and indispensible role.


As I contemplated these things in preparation for this trip, I began to ask myself: how can I be this kind of help to my husband when I have no actual role to play on the road? I started by eliminating what I should not do. I am not helping when I am demanding his attention throughout the course of the day. (Yes, I tend to think Jimmy should always be paying attention to me when I’m with him. I mean, I am his wife right?) Though they might not look like anyone else’s, Jimmy’s workdays consist of sound-checks, twitter postings, band meetings, prayer time, concerts, autograph signings, and meet-and-greets. And when I become a distraction to these things, I cease being helpful. So this trip, I brought a few things to work on to alleviate my tendency to need to be the center of attention.


A second way I can practically be an ezer is by simply being a servant to Jimmy and his band. It may be getting extra waters, helping sell merchandise, filming the show, or simply holding open doors.


Lastly, being a help to my husband is sometimes simply being available to him. Whether he needs encouragement, good company to eat dinner with, someone to pray with or bounce ideas off of, or just a listening ear, I long to be for him a place of refuge and comfort.


All in all, I felt like this trip was a successful one in those respects. I effectively stayed out of the way to let the guys do their thing, while serving and providing help to them as needed. I love the privilege I have in being an ezer to my husband! I believe this is my highest calling and most important ministry, second only to growing my relationship with God. I was created to play a vital role in my husband’s ministry and calling and there is such joy in doing just that.



More thoughts on this weekend coming soon…

Day 4 – Unwilling Grace

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My favorite podcast is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Today, I listened to a recent interview she did with Dr. Henry Blackaby called “Revival and Repentance.” Obviously I was drawn to it because I am in a week and a half time period of personal repentance. It was so encouraging, thought-provoking, and refreshing that I wanted to share it with you all. So if you have 25 minutes to spare, please download and listen to it, or read the manuscript from it. Click here to get it.


One point he made is that we often think of revival as something our schools, community, or nation needs, but not us. But it’s quite the contrary. Revival starts in the hearts of God’s people. Here is a quote from this interview: “You cannot have God in your midst and remain as you are as a people of God. You will come under severe conviction of sin. God’s people will feel the awesome presence of the holiness of God and expose their sin and will cry out unto God in repentance.”~Henry Blackaby. It is like Isaiah 6. When we are truly in the presence of God, there is an intense awareness of our wickedness before Him. Revival starts in us, His children, and it starts with repentance.


I am praying that this time for me will be the start of a personal revival, inviting God’s manifest presence into my life in such a powerful way that I am radically changed by it.


I was very surprised today by my time of prayer. Not sure what I expect God to be revealing in my heart, but obviously this wasn’t it. The first word that came to mind…. grace. How is that something to repent of? But as I prayed more, I realized that it wasn’t simply grace, but specifically the lack of grace I have shown. At times, I have an unwillingness to show grace. This is the problem.

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Day 3 – To Do Lists

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Well I figured I should give an update on how things are going this week as it relates to my time at home and Jimmy being gone. It’s actually been wonderful! I feel joyful, peaceful, not lonely, and excited about my days. It’s amazing what some basic intentionality will do! Jimmy and I have talked a few times and each time has been really good. We are starting to figure out the best times for us to connect during the day and getting into a rhythm of what to expect this next week or so. It sounds like Denmark is beautiful, and though I wish I could be there, I am trying to be grateful for what I have here. Right now, I am most grateful for some cooler weather! It gets quite hot down here in Texas, but we’ve had our first cold front the last few days (which means lows in the 60s) so it’s been great! I have also stayed quite busy (which I try to do while Jimmy’s gone), thus my posts are coming out late at night. But to those of you who are following along and praying along, thanks for being patient!


Tonight I had dinner with God. After coming home from work, I sat down to eat my much desired PB&J and asked God what was in my heart that needed to be cleaned out. The very first thing to come to my mind was to do lists.
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Day 2 – Fear

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“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts;
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting”
Psalm 139:23-24



Fear. That is what I have in my heart that God wanted to deal with today. Fear of failure as a child of God, as a wife. Fear of the future and what life will be like with children and a traveling husband. Fear of being forgotten. Fear of what will happen if I really give up control.


I am realizing that my obsessive need to control things is because of fear. Fear drives me to action. I may be extremely tired and feel like I am unable to run, but as soon as a wasp comes flying up behind me, I run faster! (I hate wasps by the way.) Fear drives us to action faster and stronger than anything else. And my incessant need to control things is driven by the fears I am trying to protect myself from.

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