Category Archives: dealing with sin

Four Marks of A Pharisee

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The chief priests and the elders came to Jesus. … And Jesus said to them, “Truly I say to you that the tax collectors and prostitutes will get into the kingdom of God before you.”  Matthew 21:23-32

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Last week I shared about my personal realization that I was a Closet Pharisee.  Though I had a true love for Jesus, my pursuit of holiness took a slight wrong turn and a hidden and insidious pride began to grow in my heart.  If you grew up in church like me, you must be careful to discern your heart in this matter.  You may know certain truths in your head that your heart does not yet believe.  I knew that “all had sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  I knew that “the wages of sin is death.”  I could tell you that I deserved hell for my sins and that I was saved “by grace alone through faith and that not of myself or works so that no one may boast.”  Yet, in my heart and my actions, I believed I was good enough on my own apart from Jesus.  As you read this, I invite you to check your heart and motives.  Just because you have a genuine love for God and aren’t aware of any sin in your heart, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

The Danger of Self-righteousness

The Pharisees were the religious leaders in Jesus’s day.  They were very moral and religious people who were often in the temple, studying the Law and making sacrifices.  And ironically, they receive the harshest words of judgment from Jesus during his time on earth.  Why is this?  Because they looked to their own good works and good deeds to save them.  Therefore, they didn’t have the ability to relate to Jesus as a savior, because they were looking to themselves for that.  They were self-righteous, looking for righteousness within themselves.  Comparatively, this is why the prostitutes and tax collectors, who knew they had no righteousness and no hope of salvation in themselves, were able to receive Jesus as savior.  As our pastor said earlier this month, “The Pharisees good behavior is more dangerous and more damning than the sin of tax collectors and prostitutes.”

Just as in Jesus’s day, a self-righteous heart is still the premier enemy of the Gospel of Jesus today.  It is the self-righteous ones that are in the most danger of missing salvation.  So what does it mean to be self-righteous?  Self-righteousness is relating to God based on your performance for God.  This manifests in both feeling good about yourself when you are doing well and feeling discouraged when you are battling sin.  Both are performance-based ways to relate to God.

If Jesus’s harshest words of judgment are to the Pharisees, then it would serve us well to be quick to identify our inclinations toward self-righteousness and repent quickly of our pharisaical ways.  Jesus himself, speaking of the scribes and Pharisees, said “Do not do according to their deeds.” (Matt 23:3)

Four Marks of a Pharisee

What does it mean to be a Pharisee?  How do we avoid their condemnable way of life?  Here are a few identifying characteristics of these self-righteous, religious, anti-Jesus people.

They trusted in themselves for their righteousness & viewed others with contempt.

And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed other with contempt: Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust adulterers, or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ … I tell you, this man was not justified.”  Luke 18:9-14

It can be hard to truly discern if we are trusting in ourselves for righteousness when we know all the right Christian answers.  But there are a few side effects of trusting in yourself that we see from this text.  The first is that you view others with contempt.  Contempt means the feeling that a person is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn.  This means that in your heart you tend to look down on others who you perceive to be “worse sinners” than yourself.  This may be that sorority girl who sleeps around and gets drunk on the weekends, or the gay barista that you see every week at Starbucks or the Christian mom who divorced her husband and now puts her children in day care to go to work.  As soon as you stray away from the worldview that we are ALL sinners in desperate need of the grace of God for ANY good to be accomplished in our lives, you are following the prideful way of the Pharisee.

Secondly, you feel confident before God because of what you have done for Him.  It’s one thing to desire to honor God with your life because He has saved you.  It’s another thing when your good deeds become the reason you feel that God can accept you and be pleased with you.  If any of your confidence is found in how good you are, then like the Pharisees you have believed the lie that you can be good apart from God.  Consequently, this will cause you to feel as if the world is falling apart when you are struggling with outward sin.

  • Do you feel comforted by the thought that you are a “better person” or “better Christian” than others in your life?
  • Are there certain people you find it hard to have compassion on?
  • When you think about how your spiritual life is going, do you immediately look to what you have done for God?
  • Do you feel comforted and confident after you’ve had a long quiet time?  Or when you have given a lot of money?  Or shared the gospel a certain number of times?
  • Do you feel like you can’t approach God when you aren’t meeting your own standards of righteousness?

They do everything to be noticed by others and love to have the outward signs of holiness.

They do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries and lengthen the tassels of their garments.  Matthew 23:5

phylacteriesFirst of all, what is a phylactery?  These were small cases containing scripture worn on the left arm and forehead for religious purposes in Jewish culture.  These and the tassels of their garments were outward signs of spirituality that the Pharisees made sure others could see.  We may not wear scripture on our foreheads and arms, but that doesn’t mean we don’t magnify and “broaden” our own outward signs of holiness in our American Christian culture.  Some of these signs may include: abstinence from alcohol, not dating around or sleeping around, not spending money frivolously, sharing the Gospel, not going to the wrong parties, etc.   None of these are bad things in and of themselves.  In fact, these can all be good things that honor God when done with the right heart.  The problem is when we do these things with the purpose to be seen by others and to make ourselves look good.

  • Do you take pride in areas of outward holiness?  Do you often compare yourself to others in these areas?
  • Do you forsake the unseen spiritual disciplines in your life (prayer, serving your family or roommates, self-discipline while you are alone)?
  • Do you often think about how others will view you if you do or don’t do something?
  • Do you look for moments in conversation to tell others about your spiritual disciplines (prayer, fasting, giving, sharing the gospel, etc)? Or do you regularly share about these things on social media?
  • Do you spend more time seeking God (in prayer, Bible reading, worshipping, etc) when you are with others than when you are alone?

They loved being honored and elevated above others.

[The Pharisees] love the place of honor at banquets and the chief seats in the synagogues, and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called Rabbi by men. Matthew 23:6-7

This may be a hard characteristic to discern in yourself.  You may even read that statement and think to yourself, “That’s not me.  I don’t need to be honored or elevated.”  But often a truer test of our hearts is how we respond when others are honored and elevated, especially those close to us or those we deem as less spiritual.

Before traveling with Jimmy, I never would have thought I desired honor and elevation.  Then, I found myself with him at concerts every weekend where he was often recognized and praised publicly.  All of the sudden, I was consumed with thoughts of, “What about me?  Does anyone see how spiritual I am?”  My true desires were revealed that I loved honor.  I loved recognition.

  • Is it hard for you to be truly happy for others when they are honored and praised?
  • When someone else is honored, do you immediately compare yourself to him or her or wonder why no one has said that of you yet?
  • Do you go above and beyond with the secret hope that those around you will notice and publicly praise you?
  • When someone “less spiritual” or younger than you is honored, are you eaten up with jealousy?
  • Do you long to be a teacher, pastor, worship leader, or in full time ministry so that you can be looked up to or have people underneath you?
  • Would you be content if you knew God had called you to a lifetime of service behind the scenes or would you secretly always want something more?

They feel compelled to justify themselves to men to keep up appearances.

And Jesus said to [the Pharisees], “You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God.” Luke 16:15

This will look different for everyone depending on the image you are trying to protect.  For most Jesus followers, myself included, we take pride in different aspects of being a “good Christian.”  This could be how you dress and how much makeup you wear, how you eat, who and how you date, how you spend your time, or what you read. I tend to take pride in being a conservative spender and a generous giver.  So when something happened that could disrupt my image, I sought to justify myself before others.  For example, my dad bought me a very expensive and nice piece of jewelry for my wedding.  When others complimented me, I couldn’t just say thank you.  I felt compelled to explain that it was a gift from my dad to make sure everyone knew I didn’t spend that much money on myself.  Likewise, if I was complimented on a new outfit, I just had to explain how great of a deal I got and all the coupons I used and “can you believe all the proceeds go to charity?!”  Sadly, this revealed a desire to be seen as holy and good before others more than a desire to see God glorified in my heart and my actions.

  • Do you feel compelled to explain yourself and your motives to others?
  • Do you have a hard time receiving compliments about certain things without explaining yourself?
  • Do you look for moments in conversation to tell others why you do what you do?

While these are only a few distinguishing marks of the Pharisees (you can read about more in Matthew 23, Luke 13:10-17, 14:12-14), ultimately all these things boil down to pride.  Of all the offensive things to God, there is none greater than pride (Prov 6:16-18, 8:13, Ps 101:5). For “everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord;
Assuredly, he will not be unpunished.”(Proverbs 16:5)

The Antidote

For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering.  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.  Psalm 51:16-17

Even as I write this list I am overwhelmed with brokenness as I consider how great a sinner I am.  This list has far too often described me.  I am as the one to whom Jesus said “Woe to you, hypocrite! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside you are full of self-indulgence. Woe to you! For you are like a whitewashed tomb which on the outside appears beautiful, but inside is full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.  So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” (Matt 23:25-28)  Of all types of sinners, I am the worst.  I belittle the work of Jesus on the cross with my arrogant confidence in myself and yet say all the right things on the outside to appear holy to protect my own reputation.  Yet praise be to God that He has not dealt with me according to my sins or rewarded me according to my iniquity but instead has justified me as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Jesus! (Ps 103:10, Rom 3:24)

If you read the above list and found yourself identifying with these anti-Jesus religious people, then let the first response be one of sincere brokenness.  More than good deeds and longer quiet times, God desires a broken and contrite heart that is humble and repentant before him.  If you need to, get on your knees now and repent before God for allowing the despicable sin of pride to dwell in your heart.  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

After confession and repentance, there are four practical ways that I regularly fight pharisaical pride in my heart.  I will discuss those in my next blog.

Closet Pharisee

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“Fill up, then, the measure of the guilt of your fathers.  You serpents, you brood of vipers, how will you escape the sentence of hell?” ~Jesus, Matthew 23: 32-33

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You’d think these words were said to a murderer, or a sexually perverted or promiscuous person, or a thief.  But no, Jesus was speaking to the religious leaders of the day.

Wait, did you catch that… Jesus’s harshest words of judgment are to the religious leaders of the day.  This should cause the ears of this religious church girl to perk up and listen.  Why such harsh words?  And what did these religious people do to merit such severe judgment?  And how do I make sure I am truly following Jesus and not the path of these anti-Jesus religious people?  These are questions I should have asked in my early years of following Jesus.

Even though I fell in love with Jesus early in my life, there grew an inward bent of my soul, slowly and stealthily, that was hardly noticeable.  I’m not sure exactly how it started.  Maybe it was the subconscious joy I found in the acclaim of people in being such a “good Christian.”  Maybe I couldn’t help but notice how much “better” I was than my peers.  Somewhere along the way, I began to delight in my good works more than the work of Jesus.  My heart started to reflect that of a Pharisee more than Jesus.

The Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9-14)

The Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9-14)

No matter how it started, a root of pride began to grow in my heart and for years it was watered with the praise of others and my own comparison to my peers.  I became really good at “being a Christian.” In the morning, I trusted my ability to have a good quiet time and memorize scripture.  In the evening, I found peace in my “maturity” to worship with hands raised.  I no longer needed Jesus as my savior.  My good deeds had become my functional savior.  I knew the right words to say, the right things to do to look like the best Jesus-follower out there.

Like the Pharisees, I was completely blind to my sinful pride.  It wasn’t until I got married that this slow-growing disease was made clear to me.  Before saying “I do,” I thought I was pretty awesome and that Jimmy was pretty lucky to have such a godly wife.  (Though I NEVER would have said that, obviously, because that is a pretty prideful thing to think and I wasn’t prideful… I was a humble, servant-hearted Christian.) But nonetheless, I thought I was awesome.  So when I  found myself, 2 weeks after our wedding, in Nashville surrounded by people who thought Jimmy was awesome, I grew angry, resentful, and insecure.

People were enthralled with his music and only knew me as his wife.  ”How lucky I must be to be married to such a wonderful man!”  ”Isn’t he awesome?”  ”God has greatly gifted this man!”  I was surrounded by people who didn’t care about me and were telling me how wonderful my new husband was.  This was a direct assault to that root of pride that had been growing in my heart.

“What about me?!  I’m pretty awesome too!  Have you seen how great of a Christian I am?  How gifted I am?  Hello!  He’s the lucky one, not me!”  This monstrous pride that had been lying dormant and growing for years suddenly reared its ugly head.  And boy was it ugly.  I began to lash out in the only place I could without losing my “awesome Christian girl” reputation: at my husband.  I said hateful things.  I found myself in anger I never knew I was capable of .

This lead to confusion and disillusionment: “I’m better than this!  Why am I so angry, so hateful and unforgiving?  So insecure and jealous? I am a good Christian!”  Looking to my own ability to be good, I wondered why my idol of self wasn’t coming through for me.  Why wasn’t my normal way of life working anymore?  This was one circumstance where I couldn’t look to my own good works any more.

Thank God for this direct assault on my pride, this crushing of my idol of self.  Without this challenging season I would have never been able to even see my pride.  He used my circumstances to stir up the waters of my life and all that prideful sediment that was accumulating at the bottom swirled to the surface where I could see it for what it was: sin.  Nasty, ugly sin.

The interesting thing about pride is that it is self-deceiving.  Meaning, while walking in pride, you don’t even realize that you are prideful.  You actually think you are right; not in any sin.  (See Jer 49:16, Oba 1:3, 1 Cor 3:18, Gal 6:3) So for a while I was in denial that I had an issue with pride and love of self.  I still thought the problem was my circumstance: my husband’s career choice, his lack of understanding of my situation, other people’s blindness to my plight, etc.  And as long as I stayed in this denial with my focus on others, nothing changed.

A few months into marriage, things finally started to change.  In the middle of an argument with Jimmy, God supernaturally opened the eyes of my heart to see clearly: I was full of pride and arrogance and had been trusting my own works above the work of Jesus.  In brokenness and tears I fell to my face before God.  I vividly remember my prayer on that night: “Dear Lord, I have never felt more ashamed of myself.  I deserve the depths of hell for this pride and arrogance in my heart.  Thank you for your saving grace that covers me.”  I realized in that moment what I truly was: a closet Pharisee.  Disguised in the outward adornment of good Christian behavior, my soul had cultivated the pride and self-sufficiency of a Pharisee.  Of all those in scripture, I had become as those that Jesus most harshly condemns.

But, what a merciful God to show me the sin in my heart.  He graciously and intentionally gave me a very gifted husband with a very public ministry.  It was through this that God showed me my pride. It was through this that He began to cultivated a true heart of humility and Christ-likeness in me. (Let this also serve as a warning to those who think marriage will make them happy and satisfy their hearts.  Marriage is often God’s chosen sanctification instrument, which means there are many times that it is not fun, but rather hard.  Jesus alone must be the one we look to for fulfillment and joy.  Only then can marriage have its proper place in our lives.)

Over the years, I have become more sensitive toward my pharisaical tendencies.  I often study the characteristics of the Pharisees and the charges Jesus brings against them in an effort to rid my own heart of such things.  Later this week, I will post about “The Marks of a Pharisee” and how I fight against those inclinations in my own life.

The Myth of “The One”

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“I think he might be the one!”

Aren’t we all waiting to get to that moment in a relationship? There is this concept that has been propagated through an abundance of romantic comedies as well as our American Christian culture that we all have one perfect soul mate out there somewhere. But I want to propose that this idea of “the one” is a myth and is an idea that is actually bringing more harm than good to those who embrace it.

First, let’s talk about what I mean when I say “The One.” There is a right way and a wrong way to view this. As Christians, we know that Psalm 139 says “all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” Because God is aware of what will happen throughout the course of our life, he obviously knows who we will marry if we get married. This is 100% Biblical and a correct way to think. If this is how you see “the one,” then this article is not for you. But there is another, more common way that “the one” is viewed that is not Biblical. It defines the one as the singular other human on the planet who can complete you, satisfy all your longings, and the only one with whom you can have a successful marriage. We see this concept in movies like Jerry Maguire (the famous “You complete me” line), and Twilight (“You’re my only reason to stay alive.”). This concept of “the one” is what I am dealing with in this article. The idea of hoping in one person to complete and satisfy you might not seem that bad on the surface, but underneath it results in numerous problems in marriage and singleness.


The Impact in Marriage

Belief in the one has taken a biblical view of God’s sovereignty and distorted it, implying that there is only one other human being on the planet that we can have a fulfilling and successful marriage with. This causes us to place our hope for a successful marriage in who we marry instead of in Jesus. This unfairly puts incredible pressure on our spouse to satisfy us and brings sure disappointment when they don’t live up to our expectations.

If your hope for a satisfying marriage is based on meeting the perfect person, what happens when 3 years in that person isn’t making you feel as wonderful as you hoped? They immediately become the one to blame for your unhappiness. “If you would just love me like you used to when we were dating, I’d be happier!” Marriage can quickly turn into a finger-pointing blame game if your basis for happiness is your perfect soulmate. Even if you are the two most compatible people on the planet, you will still have conflict because we are all sinners and self-centered by default.

The ramifications of this outlook can be enormous. If you become unhappy in marriage, you may convince yourself you made a mistake and your spouse wasn’t actually the one. This could potentially lead you to justify divorce simply because of unhappiness. Or if you don’t divorce, you may live under a constant feeling that you have settled for something less than you deserve leading to deep-rooted bitterness toward your spouse.

Secondly, the one concept encourages a self-centered view of marriage. Biblically, marriage should be all about the glory of God, just as every aspect of our lives should be (see 1 Corin 10:31). We should be striving for a partnership in marriage that is about bringing God glory and seeking Him together. But when you look to your spouse for satisfaction, meaning and worth, it immediately turns your view inward, instead of upward to Jesus. It promotes an attitude of “what can I get” from my spouse instead of “what can I give.” As Christians, we are called not to be served by our spouse but to serve them, just like the Jesus we follow (Matt 20:28).


The Impact in Singleness

The one mentality also affects those who are single. Believing there is only one human who can meet your needs can cause great anxiety and fear of missing that person or choosing the wrong person. You may be dating someone who loves Jesus, someone you could have a great marriage with, but doubt he is the one. This may cause you to be obsessed with thoughts like, “what if there is someone better out there for me?” Or if you aren’t dating, you might be tempted to always keep your eye out for the one instead of shifting all your gaze toward Jesus, where it should be.

Another problem is that this mindset encourages single people to look to their feelings to determine whether to date or marry someone. “I just feel like he is the one!” “I think we may get married, but I just don’t feel like I expected I would when I met the one.” The main problem here is this: Feelings are NEVER a solid foundation for a relationship, or for anything else for that matter. Our feelings can change in a matter of hours and often aren’t a picture of reality. Yet I find that this is usually the first and greatest basis people give for dating someone.

Now don’t get me wrong, it isn’t bad to have all those butterfly-like feelings. There are many of my friends who are married to a man they had these type of feelings toward early on. But it isn’t always the case, neither does it need to be a prerequisite for a good relationship or marriage. In either situation, the point remains: feelings are never a solid foundation for a relationship or marriage because they change. It is only a matter of time before that amazing person you were sure was the one doesn’t make you feel quite as wonderful. And if the basis for dating/marrying that person was how you felt at the time, then when those feelings go away it will shake your whole relationship.

The one idea doesn’t just promote judging relationships by our feelings, but also causes us to feel entitled to certain romantic expectations in our relationships. Sometimes, from movies or our own imaginations, we can have incredibly lofty expectations of what it will be like to finally meet the one: how he or she will treat us, how he will propose, how she will look, etc. So, what if you are dating someone and he doesn’t do anything for your 6 month anniversary? Or he proposes over dinner at chili’s instead of the elaborate evening you had hoped for? Or he doesn’t look at all like you thought, or heaven forbid he is the same height or shorter than you? If you’ve embraced the one mentality, you may doubt your entire relationship based on these unmet expectations. But in all reality, you can have a successful marriage with someone who proposes over dinner or someone who proposes on national television. You can have a successful marriage with someone who is taller than or shorter than you. These things don’t make successful marriages!


The Biggest Problem

But more than all these reasons I’ve just mentioned, the greatest problem with this idea of the one is that it tends to promote idolatry. Let me explain. Often, there is so much expectation wrapped up in the idea of meeting the perfect man or woman that you begin to look to this person above all else for fulfillment. Whether it is your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend or an imaginary future someone, looking to them for meaning more than Jesus makes them an idol. Anything you feel you need to be happy besides Jesus is an idol. Ultimately, if anyone is truly the one for us, it is Jesus. He is the only one we should look to with hope and expectation to meet our needs, satisfy our souls, and give us purpose. For all else is rubbish compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Him! (Phil 3:7-9)

To recap, if you truly embrace the idea of the one as defined in this article, the result will be anxiety and fear in singleness and/or dating, an incorrect basis for evaluating potential spouses, a self-focused view of marriage leading to disappointment and potentially divorce, and ultimately and most importantly idolatry.


How to Have a Successful Marriage

So if we refuse to embrace this concept of the one, what is an appropriate way to evaluate marriage partners? That starts with an appropriate view of what it takes to have a successful marriage. A successful marriage is found through two people, whose hope is in Jesus, who are committed to the covenant they made and consider the other person as better than themselves. This is only made possible through Jesus. He is the only one who can fill us up, satisfy our souls’ need for love and purpose. He gives us the ability to die to ourselves and consider our spouse as more important than ourselves. As we seek Him and are filled up by Him each day, we are enabled to look to our marriage with the view of “what can I give?” As we study and learn of His faithfulness to sinners like us, we are able to choose to keep our own marriage covenant when our spouse isn’t fulfilling their end of the deal. Jesus is our hope for a good marriage!

Honestly, I believe you can take any two people who love Jesus, have their eyes on Him for fulfillment, and who long to keep their covenant and serve each other, and they will have a successful marriage! It doesn’t matter how “compatible” they are, how much they have in common, or even how strong of feelings they have toward one another. Those things do not make a successful marriage, a love for Jesus and His glory above all else does.

So, instead of asking the question “Is he the one? Is she the one?”, we should ask “Can I have a God-glorifying, Jesus-centered marriage with him/her?” Rather than looking for someone that can meet all our needs, we should instead look for someone who loves Jesus more than anything and seeks to glorify God in all they do. These things applied in the realm of marriage will make it successful, satisfying, and fulfilling. Let’s choose today to change the norm in how we view relationships and marriage. Let’s put Jesus back in the center of it all!

**updated on Nov. 1**

Is Jesus Really Enough?

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Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me
On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
I never ever have to be afraid
One thing remains


These are lyrics to a worship song called “One Thing Remains.” We sang it in church a couple weeks ago and one line in particular stood out to me: It overwhelms and satisfies my soul. It reminds me of my favorite verses in Philippians 3:7-9 which speak of the “surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus” in which everything else by comparison is rubbish. The love of God… is it true that it overwhelms and satisfies my soul?


And what if that were true? What if His love not only satisfied my soul, but overwhelmed it to a point of overflowing? There would be such contentment in my heart and soul that all other longings and unfulfilled desires would dissipate. I would be so filled up by the love of God that I would no longer seek what I can get from my earthly relationships, but rather what I can give. All sorrow, pain, and sadness would shrink in the shadow of the love of God for me. In all areas of life I would be operating from a place of contentedness, not desperate longings for things other than God.


We sing this song and others like it with such passion on Sunday mornings, but often live a life that screams “God isn’t enough for me. I need X, Y, or Z to be content, happy, and fulfilled.” In my conversations with others, I hear many longings for marriage, for children, for better friends, for a better husband, for a change in life circumstances, for more money, for “whatever it is” to be over with. There is a sense in which if we just had that one thing, THEN I would be overflowing and full in my heart. Can we be honest for a second? If we are waiting on anything other than God to have a full heart, then we have created an idol. God is no longer our God and no longer the one who fills our soul. He is no longer the One in whom we have placed our hope. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married or wanting a season of life to be over, but as soon as we need that to happen to be completely fulfilled, it is an idol.


So where do we go from here? May I first suggest that we stop being satisfied with singing songs in church, quoting Scripture and then living like none of it is true. It doesn’t matter what we say we believe or what we sing; our actions will show the true beliefs of our heart. If you feel as if you could never be happy unless you are married, have children, etc, then be honest with yourself, God, and others. Admit that you’re setting your hope on something else and don’t actually believe that God alone is enough for you. Let’s start by being honest about what we actually believe because we can actually move forward from there. If you aren’t being honest, you are deceiving yourself and creating a roadblock for any spiritual growth. Any progress you try to make spiritually won’t last if you are building on a foundation that isn’t actually there.


So why do we have such a hard time being honest with ourselves in the first place? I think we desperately want to have it all together and be “the good Christian” with all the right answers. Maybe it’s because we care way too much about what others think of us or maybe it’s because we think that’s how we can please God. Either way, this causes us to lack a sense of raw honesty about where we are at and what we actually think about God and who we are as believers. There is something in most of us that hesitates to say, “I know the Bible says that everything is a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus, but I don’t actually believe that right now.” But if we want to see true growth and freedom from idols in our life, I believe it will start with that kind of honesty.


In my own life, being honest looks like accepting my heart’s tendency to find its fulfillment in things other than Jesus. Once I perceive that I am no longer believing Jesus to be enough for me, I can identify the idols I’ve created. An idol is usually the one thing I want and think will make me “feel better” or “be ok.” Once I identify the idol, it is time to get rid of it. I confess to God and at least one other person my sin of creating an idol and putting it before Him and pray that in His power and through Jesus’ work on the cross that He would remove it and help me to let it go. This has included letting go of dreams, goals, and expectations I had for my life (which, by the way, is extremely difficult and often painful). All things I thought I needed IN ADDITION to the love of God in my life. After days, weeks, and sometimes months, of working to uproot the idol from my heart I am ready for God to come back in as the rightful desire of my soul. But again, this is not always an easy process.


Even after ridding idols from my heart, I often feel unsure that God will actually be enough for me in their absence. But it doesn’t really matter how I feel; my feelings are rarely based in reality. The Word of God on the other hand, is absolute truth and will never change and never ever fade away. So this is where the faith-walking part comes in: choosing to believe the Word of God above my feelings. What does that look like? For me, this looks like “sick soul care.” This is something I do immediately after discovering an idol in my heart. When my body is sick, I take extra measures to get it back to a healthy place by getting extra rest, taking extra vitamins, and cutting out junk food. In the same way, when I realize my soul has been unhealthy I take extra measures to get it healthy again through extra doses of Bible reading in my day, cutting out forms of media whose message is unbiblical, and more time in prayer to be honest with God about the condition of my heart. And without fail, when I take these extra measures, in a matter of days or weeks, I find myself falling in love with God all over again. My soul, in its healthy state, again begins to proclaim, “Yes, Jesus, you truly are more than enough for me!”


My challenge on this Sunday morning, is that we would no longer sing worship songs that our hearts really don’t believe. Instead of singing the lyrics, pray that God would make them true in your heart. Let’s begin to be honest with ourselves and one another when we are struggling to believe that Jesus is enough so we can deal with the idols in our hearts. Better to be honest about any “sickness” in our soul than act as if we are healthy. Let’s pursue Jesus together from a real honest place so that we might see true victory over the idols in our hearts!

Clearing the Stage: Waiting for What?

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Well, today is the last day of our “Clearing the Stage” blog posts. Jimmy’s record releases tomorrow and we are so thrilled! And what a better way to usher in a new record than by Jimmy and I actually seeking to live out the message of this record. I hope that you have been challenged to do some stage-clearing and idol-crushing in your own life. I also hope you will get yourself a copy of Jimmy’s new record tomorrow, either on iTunes, jimmyneedham.com, or at your local Christian bookstore. I really believe that this record will minister to you, encourage you, challenge you, and give you something fun to dance around the house to.


I have recently been studying through the Psalms and noticed the recurring phrase of “wait on the Lord.” There are many promises for those who wait on the Lord and many psalmists who promise to be people who wait on Him. I’ve written about waiting before (see my blog, “What are you waiting on?”), and am always amazed at how little I wait on God. I usually find that I am waiting on many other circumstances in my life: waiting to graduate from college, waiting to be able to have a healthy baby, waiting to get to a more “financial stable” place, waiting for Jimmy to get home, waiting, waiting, waiting. It seems that I’m rarely content in my current circumstances.


This also seems to be the trend in the lives of those around me: always waiting to arrive at some better situation. Whether it be waiting to not be single, waiting for a hard season to pass, or waiting for a spouse to change, we’re rarely content where we are at. The problem with this is that the only thing the Bible commands us to wait on is Jesus! So is it wrong to want our situation to change? I don’t think so. I think our problem is where we are placing our hope.


I read a New American Standard Bible and many times when the word “wait” is used, there is a note in the margin that says “or hope in.” Waiting is often synonymous with hoping. I don’t often think of what I wait on as what I place my hope in, but I find it to be true in many circumstances. When I was a sophomore in high school, I had orchestra practice after school every Tuesday. As I didn’t have a drivers license, I often found myself waiting outside the fine arts building for my mom to pick me up. I hated being at school longer than was absolutely necessary and was very anxious to get home. So I would sit outside watching the very farthest place that I knew I would see her car pull around to get me. Waiting for me was a very active thing as I kept my eyes focused and looking for my one hope to get home: my mom’s car.


In the same way, when I am waiting on a set of circumstances, it is usually because that is what I have placed my hope for peace and joy in. It is what I have my eyes and my heart fixed on. But even if I get to whatever place I’m hoping to be, I’ll find something else I’m not satisfied with and create a new hope to wait on. How do you know what you are waiting on and hoping in? If you’re like me, you’ll find yourself thinking and saying things like: “When I (…fill in the blank…), then things will be better/great, or then I will be able to have peace/have a better walk with God.” No matter how bad our circumstances, how undesirable our situation, Jesus is enough for us. Do we believe that? Usually the answer is no, but I think it is worth fighting to choose to believe this and walk it out.


“Whatever I can’t stop thinking of is an idol” – Lyric from “Clear the Stage” I pray that all of us, myself included, would begin to make Jesus the thing we can’t stop thinking of. That we would be people who wait on Him and Him alone and truly begin to experience the reality that Jesus is enough for us, even if our situation never changes. May we being to wait on the Lord alone and keep our eyes on Him, for those who wait on Him will never be ashamed, their strength will be renewed and they will not grow weary. (Ps 25:3, Is 40:31).


Check out Jimmy’s last blog on his facebook page.

Clearing the Stage: A Means to an End

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I hope you have all had the opportunity to read Jimmy’s “Clearing the Stage” blogs this week on his facebook page. They have been phenomenal and full of truth and wisdom. He has mentioned a quote from Tim Keller defining idolatry as “turning good things into ultimate things.” I love this definition because it reminds us that it isn’t always something inherently evil that takes God’s place; often times it is something good.


I began praying this morning that God would reveal more things that push Him out center stage in my life. As I wrote down things that came to mind, none of them were bad things: my desire to be a good wife and mom, my desire for a clean and orderly house, to be a good friend, just to name a few. All of these things are good and righteous desires, but often they are the very things that keep me from God. When my desire to be a good wife, mom, friend, or homemaker compete with my desire to know God more, it’s my time with God that usually gets cut. I justify this by telling myself, “I can spend time with God any time I want to, but right now I need to (fill in the blank).” I am have become so quick to cut out my Jesus time because “I can fit Him in anywhere.” But usually, the end of those days come sooner than I realize, and I find I haven’t thought twice about my God.


Sometimes I wonder if I treated one of my friends the way I treat God, how would she respond? I have a lunch date planned with her to catch up, but the kitchen is really dirty and I had better clean it. So I cancel about 5 minutes before with no more reason than it isn’t a good time any more. Or I tell her she is really the best friend I have and I want to meet at least once a week, but I only show up to half of the dates we set because I forgot or had something “more important” come up. I don’t think she would be my friend for very long. Yet, sadly, this is often how I treat Jesus, the savior of my soul. Yes, it is true that if we have trusted in Jesus as our Savior, His spirit dwells within us and we have access to Him 24/7. But should that really give me the right to treat God such flippancy and disrespect?


I think even more telling are the times that I am most desperate for God and consistent in prayer. It’s usually in very difficult seasons when I am seeking Him for something. My tendency is to use God as a means to an end, instead of the only end that I really need. Let me share a quote from one of my favorite booklets called “The Abba Cry” by Don Lessin:

“Jesus must never become the means to an end. If your self-interests are the loudest sound within you, Jesus will become a means to that end. We may never admit it outwardly, but in our hearts we will know if Jesus is no longer the end we live for. If human relations take the place of Jesus, those relationships will become the loudest sound within you. Christian ministry can become the loudest sound that you hear. Ministry, marvelous ministry, can move Jesus into the shadows, even in the midst of working hard for Him.”



Don shares from his own experience in ministry saying “Walking in and out of the presence of God, and looking to Him for quick answers, I found that Jesus had become the means to an end. I never ceased loving and serving Him, but He was not the center of my being.” Oh how true this is in me at times. I let the peripheral things (family, friends, hobbies, cleaning, and ministry) take center stage in my life, pushing Jesus to the sidelines.


The more aware I become of this tendency in my heart, the easier it is to identify when I am slipping into this form of idolatry. Here are a few ways I have begun to notice Jesus becoming a means to an end: When my times with God become about what I can get from Him instead of how I can get to know Him. When my prayer life is only full of asking God for things, instead of talking with God about things. When I am quick to cancel my appointed time with Him for other lesser things. May this trend in my life come to an end as Jesus becomes the central theme and song of my heart. I pray that my heart becomes so bent on knowing Jesus more that my life would scream, “everything is a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ!” (Phil 3:7-8) and that my time with Jesus would become so precious and dear to me that I will sacrifice other things to preserve my time with Him.


Let me close by sharing a challenge for us all by Don: “Is Jesus what you really want? Is He enough? It’s not that ministry is wrong, or that having a beautiful family is wrong, but these things should be an outflow of our passion for Him. Way down deep, do you hear the voice of the Spirit of God talking to your spirit? Do you hear God saying, ‘Turn off all the sounds within you, but My voice. Turn off the sound of business, family, and ministry. Turn off the TV, the radio, and the music. Turn off the call of sports and movies and entertainment. Let it all be silent within you, and hear My voice’? As you listen to His voice what do you hear? Do you hear the Spirit saying, ‘Are you satisfied with Jesus? Are you really interested in taking time to be beautiful inside?’ I encourage you to get quiet before Him today and nail down in your spirit what is the loudest sound that you want to hear.”


Please, do yourself a favor and order a copy of “The Abba Cry” here. It costs $3 and will take 30 minutes to read through. I try to read it once every couple months simply as a heart check. Since it is so cheap, maybe order a few copies and give one to a friend or someone in vocational ministry.

Clearing the Stage: Noise

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Take a break from all the plans that you have made
And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper
Beg Him please to open up His mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister
Shine the light on every corner of your life
Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open
Then read the Word and put to test the things you’ve heard
Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken
-Lyrics from “Clear the Stage”


Oh how I love the lyrics to this song. And yet the dangerous thing is that while the Spirit inside me testifies to how good it is to sit and wait on God, this rarely turns into action. I am often so bent on being productive (as I wrote about in yesterday’s post), that I forget what it means to sit still and wait on God to speak. I tend to fill every second of my day with something in hopes to make the most of my time. But if I were to look at my time with spiritual eyes, the reality would be that I am filling my day with so much noise that there is very little room for God to speak.


What does this noise look like? Lately, it’s been way too much “screen time:” TV, internet (Facebook, pinterest, email, etc.), and iPhone apps and games. I begun thinking about how much time is wasted through these avenues a few weeks ago before the season of Lent started. Jimmy and I have never given anything up for Lent, as it often seems to be for so many simply a religious practice with little or no meaning. But we have some wonderful families around us that have redeemed this practice with more purpose, using the denying of ourselves as a reminder in this season of the sacrifice Christ made for us. So we both decided to fast from something. I knew Jimmy was going to be gone much of this Lenten season and I tend to turn the TV on more in his absence. I think it makes me feel less alone. So I decided to “give up” all TV watching for these 40 days until we celebrate the resurrection of Christ.


It was interesting that the first couple days of this TV fast, I spent an abnormally large amount of time on my computer. Jimmy’s comment to me as I was talking about this with him was: “So, essentially you’ve just replaced your TV time with a different form of distraction.” Ouch. But unfortunately true. What is it that makes me so averse to sitting still in silence? Is it our culture that pushes productivity, our highly technological society that keeps us continually busy, or my own selfish desires to do what I want rather than wait on God?


In 1 Kings 19, Elijah hears from God as he is fleeing for his life from the evil Jezebel. God tells him to go stand on the mountain as He passed by. First a great and strong wind came, breaking the mountains into pieces. “But the Lord was not in the wind.” And then an earthquake, “but the Lord was not in the earthquake.” And then a fire, “but the Lord was not in the fire.” And finally, the sound of a gentle blowing… and it is in this quiet form that God speaks to Elijah. What a wonderful reminder to my distraction-prone heart that it is often in quiet whispers that God speaks. And I will never hear this treasured whisper of God unless I quiet my life and my heart enough to make room for it.


Since the conversation I had with Jimmy, I’ve sought to use the time I’ve freed up during this fast to seek God through more time in the Word and prayer, listening to podcasts, and playing worship music. And as would be expected, I have felt more filled with the Spirit and more sensitive to His voice than I have in many, many months. Slowly I am being reminded of the beautiful discipline of waiting in silence for God. Just yesterday, I had the opportunity to experience this. As I was hitting the last hour of my drive home, the sun was setting. I turned the music down and drove in silence, watching one of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve seen in years. I kept asking, “Lord what are you saying to me in this?” and simply waiting to hear from God. And sure enough, He brought a couple different things to my mind and revealed subtle errors in my way of thinking. What could have been a busy, distracted, and rather thoughtless drive home became a wonderful time of repentance and fellowship with God.


I wonder how many of these sweet moments I’ve missed because I have my face glued to a screen all day. It saddens me to think about how little time I leave in my day for God to speak. I don’t want to miss any of the marvelous truths He has to share with me about Himself! I want to truly wait on Him with quietness of heart and mind.


God, please give me spiritual eyes to see my day how you see it! Help me to see time spent with you and waiting on you as my most valuable time! Forgive me for the hours upon hours that I’ve wasted on pointless things that don’t matter. Grant me the discipline to leave space in my day for quietness, denying my urges to mindlessly read facebook and twitter feeds, play games, and surf the web. Give me the heart that David had in Psalm 62:1,5: “My soul waits in silence for God only.” Only You Lord can give me the ability to make these changes in my life for good. I trust in You and long for Your voice to be the loudest voice in my life. In Jesus name, Amen.


Check out Jimmy’s “Clearing the Stage” blog for today on his facebook page.

Clearing the Stage: Accomplishments

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I am a hopeless “Martha.” If you are familiar with the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10, you will remember that Martha was the sister who was constantly serving and all the while forsaking the most important thing: simply sitting at the feet of Jesus. This is the story of my life. I love to accomplish things. I love to do. It makes me feel good about myself and gives me a way to quantify the successfulness of my day. Consequently, it is extremely hard for me to just sit. In fact, this is the main reason that I hate napping. What a wasted few hours! When I end the day without having accomplished anything on my to-do list, I feel like I wasted my day.


Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with getting things done and having a strong work ethic. It is when I can’t stop doing those things or thinking about them that they become a problem. Since our daughter Lively still takes a morning nap, that has become my “Jesus time.” I spend that time enjoying who God is through the Bible and prayer for as long as her nap lasts. But heaven forbid that she sleep longer than her normal hour and a half. I can’t lose that precious time to get to the important things I want to accomplish!


How unfortunate that I am often so anxious to get to the “more important” things on my to do list. As if a day spent in communion with my Savior would be a wasted day. It’s in these moments that I relate to Martha as she watched her sister simply sitting and listening to Jesus wondering why she isn’t doing more. Life isn’t all about the doing, at least in a physical sense. Because in all reality, there is a lot happening when I choose to sit at the feet of Jesus: my Spirit is strengthened, I grow in my love for God (the greatest commandment by the way) and for others, and I am freed from sin. But none of these things have results that I can see with my eyes. But a freshly painted bathroom… I can see that progress and it makes me feel good.


Oh that God would give me spiritual eyes to see not what is seen, but what is unseen! For what is seen is only temporary but what is unseen is eternal (2 Corin 4:18). Jesus’ words to Martha always speak right to my heart: “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”(Luke 10:41-42)


Lord God, I beg you to do a deep work in my heart. Uproot the idol of my to-do list and my accomplishments as they so often hinder me from a deeper relationship with You. Please help me redefine what a successful day looks like. Teach me that a whole day spent with you, without doing anything, is more successful and fruitful in eternity that a 1,000 days where I got everything checked off. Show me how to balance serving my family and working hard with a heart that ultimately longs to do nothing else but sit in Your presence. Free me from thinking that my time with you is something to check off a list rather than the greatest privilege and most fruitful time in my day. I am hopeless to bring about these changes, so Lord work in me. In the powerful name of Jesus, amen.




Read Jimmy’s post for today on his facebook page.

Clearing the Stage: People

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So if you weren’t aware, my awesome husband Jimmy is releasing a new record called “Clear The Stage” in 5 days! This record is unbelievable musically and lyrically and is all I have been listening to lately. The album title comes from a song on the record also called Clear the Stage that was written by a friend of ours, Ross King (Check out his music here. And please buy his album “And All the Decorations Too.” It is phenomenal lyrically.). This song has had a powerful effect on both of our lives and is one we regularly listen to as a way to check our hearts for idols. To give you an idea of the message of the song and this record, let me share a portion of the lyrics:

Anything I put before my God is an idol.
Anything I want with all my heart is an idol.
Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol.
Anything that I give all my love is an idol.
We must not worship something that’s not even worth it.
Clear the stage and make some space for the one who deserves it.

In anticipation of this record, Jimmy and I will be doing some “stage-clearing” in our own lives and will be blogging about it for the next five days until the record releases. We invite you to join us in this with hopes that we can give God the rightful place in our lives: center stage.


With that being said, it was a no brainer to decide what idol in my life needs to be dealt with first. People. I have a problem in that I am way too obsessed with what other people think of me. When I read through the lyrics posted above, “anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol,” I am faced with the reality of how I idolize the approval of others. While I might say I am a generally confident person, I spend way to much of my thought life imagining what others might be thinking about me. I contemplate what my neighbor might think if I drive away without saying hello. Or what that woman at church might think if I have to ask for her name again for the 3rd time. Or what my friend will think if I forget to call her on her birthday. Way too often, these thoughts consume me.


The problem with being so preoccupied with my image to others is that it leaves little of my attention to be focused on God! In addition to that, these thoughts are simply a surfacing of my ever-recurring problem with the sin of pride. I may be thinking about others and what they think of me… but in the end, I am simply thinking of me! “What do they think of ME?” “How do I look?” “I want to make sure I don’t look bad.” I am way, way, way to concerned with myself.


So maybe a better title for this post is this: “Clearing the Stage of ME.” Self-worship will probably always be the biggest threat to my true worship of God. I do seem to get in the way a lot. I’ve also noticed when God truly has center stage in my life and in my heart, I forget about myself all together in light of the greatness of who He is. The lyrics from Shane & Shane’s song “Vision of You” come to mind: “Let the vision of You be the death of me.”


Oh Lord, may that be true every day of my life. That I would daily choose to fix my eyes upon You and who You are in all Your glory so that all other idols melt away, including myself. By Your grace would You free me from the bondage of self-worship by being too concerned with what others think of me? Through the resurrection power of Your Son Jesus, bring freedom to me from this idolatry that You alone may be my sole focus and recipient of my worship. In the power and name of Jesus, Amen.




Check out Jimmy’s blog for today on his facebook fan page.

An Unexpected Struggle Against Pride

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Well it’s been 4 months since my last blog post! And as I expected, God had a lot to teach me in this hiatus from writing and none of it has been what I expected. For those of you who have prayed for me and sent encouraging messages: Thank you!!


Just before this break from writing, I had been asking God to grant me humility. I am very aware of my struggle with pride and I feel that it is a stronghold in my life. Pride is very subtle and can take many different forms that we can’t see right away, so I felt very helpless in the battle against this sin and had been regularly asking for God to bring a new level of liberation from it. It was soon after I began praying for this that I began to sense I needed to take a break from writing.


As I mentioned in my last post, I also felt that this season would be full of temptation as well. And sure enough it was. There were numerous occasions where I was presented with a clear choice to walk in the Spirit or walk in the flesh. For example, there had been a miscommunication between Jimmy and I and it genuinely inconvenienced me. But I knew it was a complete accident and unintentional. He had been so sweet throughout our conversation about it and was headed home. I remember hanging up the phone and thinking, “I can respond in grace to my husband and be forgiving or respond in entitlement to what I feel like I deserve.” And without feeling like I could do any differently, I chose the way of entitlement.


This happened numerous times where I chose to be selfish, unforgiving, mean and focused on “what I deserve.”. And after each incident I felt totally bewildered at my actions! “How could I act this way? I know how to be a Christian! I’ve been walking with Jesus for years! This isn’t like me! What is wrong with me?!”


And boom. There it is… my pride surfaced. I had begun thinking way too highly of myself, assuming that when temptation comes that I know how to be a “good enough Christian” to get through it on my own. I had traded total dependence on God for self-sufficiency, which is just another form of pride.


In the midst of wrestling through all these things and processing them (which happened over a period of weeks), Jimmy was gracious to watch Lively for a few hours so I could have some dedicated time alone with God outside the house. While I was away, I decided to read almost the entire book of Romans and write down everything it had to say about me as a sinner in need of grace. It was unbelievably refreshing to read through these basic doctrines of the Christian faith: If I could gain my right standing with God through my own efforts, then faith is made void (Rom 4:14), righteousness is only found as a gift from God by faith (Rom 3:21-23), I am united with Christ in His death and am dead to sin and united with Him in His resurrection and have newness of life to walk in (Rom 6:4-7).


The more I read, the more aware I became of how incorrect my way of thinking had been. I had been looking to my own efforts, my own knowledge, my own “years of experience” as a Christian to help me in my fight against sin. Ironically, in thinking I am an experienced Christian, I forgot the very foundations of my own faith: that it is never through trying to keep the law that I find victory, but only through trusting in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus! We are not just saved by faith alone, we live by faith alone.


I have known that I tend to try and be good enough on my own throughout my day, but this was the first time I have associated that with pride. The reason I try to live life in my own efforts is that I think way too highly of myself. I need to have a sense of hopelessness in my own abilities apart from Christ which will naturally lead me to a greater level of dependence on Christ, which is the true key to success. Jesus Himself said in John 15, “Apart from me, you can do nothing.”


Unfortunately, I think my years growing up in church and struggling with very little outward sin have contributed to this deep root of pride in my life. You see the same struggle in the religious leaders in Jesus day, the Pharisees. Confident in their own ability to obey the law, they could never see their need for Jesus. While I know there is still much to do in the struggle against pride in my life, God has significantly uprooted this sin during these past few months. How grateful I am for an answer to my prayers!


There have been many other significant things going on during these months. My desire and passion for writing has been increasing and I feel like God is giving me more inspiration than ever. There have also been some very surprising topics that God has brought to my attention that I believe He wants me to write about and deal with on my blog. And I must admit I am slightly intimidated by it. But I trust His leading in this. To top it all off, I found out that I am pregnant in December! We will be having our second baby this coming August. What an eventful few months it has been.


Thank you again for your patience during my season off and I have many new blogs coming soon!