Category Archives: family

Servanthood: the Path to Greatness

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IMG_7099Almost 7 months ago, we welcomed our 2nd daughter, Sophia, into the world! And with the joy of her arrival, God ushered in a new season of my life: one of servanthood.

I cannot tell you the joy and the honor it is for me to spend my day taking care of children. (Those of you who know my story can understand the depth of appreciation I have for the gift of motherhood.) But the arrival of a second baby resulted in a loss of my free time, my rest, and my energy. Amidst the joy of finally holding this sweet new baby I was often frustrated that I was not able to do the things I wanted to do.

At the time, I had been reading through Matthew and a couple of passages caught my attention:

“But the greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled ; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.” Matthew 23:11-12

“Whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:26-28

What a backwards thing to say! The first shall be your slave, the greatest shall be your servant. This goes against the grain of every natural inclination in me. It is my default to see how I can climb the ladder of greatness, whether in the realm of motherhood, the world of blogging, or within my own circles of friends. I often find myself trying to become “greater” without even realizing it. It is just the subtle current of my sin-inflicted heart to drift toward self-exaltation and self-promotion.

But here, Jesus just gave me a glimpse into a greater reality: in the Kingdom of God, the greatest are those that are servants to all. The way up is down. The way to greatness is lowliness. And this is because Jesus Himself modeled this:

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.”
Philippians 2:5-11

Jesus’ own path to exaltation began in laying aside His rights and choosing the lowly path of servanthood, even to the point of death. Why would His Kingdom operate any differently?

While pondering these things, I realized I had a golden opportunity. This season of endless diaper changes, overflowing dishes and sleepless nights was actually an opportunity to learn about true greatness. To meditate on the reality that in following Jesus I am called, like Him, to give up everything I am entitled to and choose the path of servant. Except, unlike Jesus, I am not actually entitled to anything.

I began to ponder what it really means to be a servant and a slave. What would life be like for servants or slaves in a household? I could imagine they would feel tired and sore at the end of the day. That any free time they had for themselves would be seen as a gift. That they wouldn’t expect to be thanked and congratulated for their service because they are only doing what is expected of them. As Jesus shared, the right response of a servant is: “We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.” (Luke 17:9-10)

To take up this call to servanthood changed my outlook entirely. My entitlement was replaced with gratitude. My complaining turned to rejoicing. My need for a pat on the back was substituted with a thankfulness to become more like Jesus.

Ironically, I have sometimes resented the call of motherhood and servanthood because it seems to keep me from doing “something greater or more important.” Truthfully, I usually desire to do those “greater, more important things” so that I can feel good about myself or feel that I have some value and standing among my peers. It is really self-exaltation in disguise. The Word tells me how to be great and how to be important VERY PLAINLY: be a servant. It is not confusing, subtle, or said only once. Evidently, Jesus found it necessary to emphasize to our stubborn hearts that He really did mean that the first shall be last.

I must quote one of my favorite books here:

“Whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant.” Would God [help us believe] that Jesus means this! We all know what the character of a faithful servant or slave implies. Devotion to the master’s interests, thoughtful study and care to please him, delight in his prosperity and honor and happiness. There are servants on earth in whom these dispositions have been seen, and to whom the name of servant has never been anything but a glory. To how many of us has it not been a new joy in the Christian life to know that we may yield ourselves as servants, as slaves to God, and to find that His service is our highest liberty,-the liberty from sin and self? We need now to learn another lesson,-that Jesus calls us to be servants of one another, and that, as we accept it heartily, this service too will be a most blessed one, a new and fuller liberty too from sin and self. At first it may appear hard; this is only because of the pride which still counts itself something. If once we learn that to be nothing before God is the glory of the creature, the spirit of Jesus, the joy of heaven, we shall welcome with our whole heart the discipline we may have in serving even those who try to vex us. When our own heart is set upon this, the true sanctification, we shall study each word of Jesus on self-abasement with new zest, and no place will be too low, and no stooping too deep, and no service too mean or too long continued, if we may but share and prove the fellowship with Him who spake, “I am among you as he that serveth”.
~Andrew Murray, “Humility”

May I always be CONVINCED that Jesus truly meant what He said: that servanthood is the path to greatness. May I always jump at the chance to serve others and consider their needs as more important than my own. For this is the way in which my Savior lived and I seek to emulate Him in all ways.

“The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

Just Because

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Last year, I wrote an essay for a contest held by Real Simple magazine called “The Life Lessons Essay Contest.”  The prompt for the contest was “When did you first understand the meaning of love?”  In attempting to write a strategic entry that might actually win, I wrote about our 3 miscarriages.  Though my essay has no mention of God, who is the truest form of and actual essence of love, I believe that the love I describe in this essay is ultimately modeled best in our God through the person of Jesus.  Despite all our sin and flaws, He chooses to show us grace “just because.” It has nothing to do with what we’ve done or not done, it has everything to do with His character and grace.

Though I didn’t win, I enjoyed writing for this contest and thought I would share this essay with you all.  Enjoy!

 

“Just Because”

written by Kelly Needham

 

Two lines.  I love those two lines. I hate those two lines.  They have become welcomed friends and also hated enemies.  I first saw them unexpectedly in the Fall of 2007, and then a second time with more anticipation in September of 2009.  But it was the third time, around Thanksgiving 2009, which rocked me. 

 

It was with an uncontrollable smile that I welcomed those two wonderful lines on the freshly-peed-on pregnancy test in my hand.  “I’m pregnant!  I just knew it!”  I sat down on the floor in my bathroom pondering the massive implications of what those two lines told me. Using the already downloaded pregnancy app on my phone, I immediately calculated my due date.  July 23, 2010.  A perfect birth date!  I’d be showing by March, having baby showers in the summer, and this time next year would be holding a baby.  Everything felt right.  Sure the first two times, things hadn’t quite turned out how I expected, but that was just a fluke.  Two random, unfortunate mistakes.  But this time was different.  This baby was coming!

 

The following month brought a whirlwind of emotions that I welcomed with unmatched fervor.  We picked out names, told friends and family, and daydreamed about nurseries, play time, and baby sounds.  I had an inexplicable feeling that this baby had purpose and meaning, that his or her life was bound to be something remarkable.  Even when the familiar bleeding started a few weeks later, I was unwavering in my hope.  After all, the other babies had lasted just 4 weeks and I was already at 9 weeks and had heard its heartbeat!  Solidifying my sense of hope, my doctor sent me home without any worries and a prescription of bed rest for a week.  It wasn’t until I found myself holding that tiny one-and-a-half inch baby in the bathroom late one Sunday night that I finally gave up hope.

 

I hate those two lines.

 

Trying to pick myself up off the emotional floor of raw sorrow and disappointment took more energy than I had.  Somehow this third loss caused a deeper and more poignant sense of hopelessness.  Once or twice might have been a fluke, but three times felt absolute.  I once more faced the grueling task of mourning another miscarriage.  It’s hard enough to tell all your excited friends and family members that your little bundle of joy is no more.  But worse than that is finding a way to mourn the death of someone you’ve never met. 

 

Miscarriage is peculiar kind of grief.  When a friend or family member dies, you have memories, pictures, and mementos to help you grieve.  After all, that is part of the grieving process… remembering.  But how do you mourn a life in which there are no memories, no pictures, no physical remnants?  All I had left was a positive pregnancy test and a vague ultrasound photo.  The ambiguity of gender, personality, and appearance mocked me as I grasped for any facet of my child to cling to.

 

One truth continued to surface through out the grieving process: I loved that baby.  But how was it possible to love someone I’d never met?  This little life hadn’t done anything good or bad yet.  No kindness had been extended, no love shown in return.  Nothing.  On the contrary, the presence and then absence of their life had caused me much pain.  So much hopelessness.  Yet the fact remained:  my love for this baby was rich and deep for no other reason than that it was my baby.  My love was a “just because” love.  I didn’t expect anything in return.  My love wasn’t a reward given.  It wasn’t based on positive experiences. I simply loved just because I did.

 

Perhaps we’ve all misunderstood love at one time or another.  Maybe you thought it was having all your desires fulfilled by someone.  Maybe it was the warm fuzzies when he held your hand for the first time. Or the confidence you had in knowing she’d be there for you when you fell.  For years I had mistakenly assumed love was something that grew out of a series of good experiences and mutual concern.  Yet it took one of the most “unlovely” experiences of my life to teach me what true love is.  It is a love without condition or clause, never needing a reason or cause.  True love is just because.

 

Those miscarriages revealed something else.  They uncovered my ability to give that kind of love.  Once I knew my heart was able to love regardless of what I get out of it, I no longer had an excuse. I knew from that day on that this was the way I was to love people.  When failed expectations came in my marriage, I was able to respond in “just because” love instead of anger and hateful words.  When a friend didn’t show the kind of response I had hoped for, I could choose love instead of holding a grudge. 

 

I still think about the babies I lost and wonder what they would have been like.  I often meditate on the immeasurable impact their lives had on mine.  A few months and two surgeries after losing baby number 3, I found myself holding those two lines again.  A strange mix of joy and fear swirled around me.  With much apprehension, my heart slowly poked out of its hiding place to embrace this unborn life.  Though my pregnancy was an emotional rollercoaster, I was given the gift of holding my baby girl on January 8 of 2011.  And even now when she pushes boundaries and screams when she doesn’t get her way, my love for her remains.  It will always remain.  My love for her is a “just because” love. 

Safer Than a Known Way

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It’s amazing how difficult it is to believe the Word of God sometimes. Even after years of walking with the Lord and seeing His faithfulness proved again and again and again, I still find myself struggling to believe words I know to be true. Can anyone relate to me here?


“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and He will make your path straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all–how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” Romans 8:32 Some of my favorite promises of Scripture are also the ones that I struggle to believe on a daily basis.


I know that ultimately God has a much higher and comprehensive view of my situation than I do and therefore knows what is best for me. This is why I am commanded to trust Him and not my own understanding of my situation. I also know if He was going to withhold anything from me, it would be the thing most precious to Him: His own beloved Son: Jesus. But He hasn’t done that; instead He gave Jesus up for my sake to be punished for my sin so that I might be justified and have eternal life. So what reason does God have to withhold anything else from me unless it is ultimately for my benefit? I know these things to be true.


I know this because I have seen these truths tested throughout the years of my life. I lost 3 babies before the end of the first trimester in pregnancy and yet found out that ultimately this was God’s grace to me. It allowed me to discover an easily treatable problem in my body that would allow me to have healthy babies and possibly save my life (read about this in my post Faith in Difficult Times). I married a man whose calling has brought me into a lifestyle of traveling, a lack of routine, and time at home alone that I never thought I wanted yet has proven to be one of the sweetest channels of intimacy with God (see post A Day in the Life). I have over and over again seen God prove His faithfulness to me through circumstances that seemed undesirable. So what reason do I have to distrust Him? None.

Yet here I find myself past my due date with our second baby, Sophia, wondering why God hasn’t brought her here yet in the time and manner that I wanted. It may seem very silly to be concerned about something so small, but this is what I have been wrestling with for these past few weeks. One of my brothers leaves the country this Sunday for 4 months, all of my family is only available this coming weekend to see Sophia so I would have someone to watch Lively and Jimmy is off on Sabbatical this month (read about this on his blog here). In my mind, everything was PERFECT for her to come last week! Yet here I am, still pregnant and waiting to go into labor, telling God that clearly He doesn’t know what He’s doing in delaying Sophia’s entrance into this world.

Again, this might seem like something small and menial, and maybe it is, but waiting for her to be born has created a daily battle in my mind to trust and believe God knows what is best for my family and me. I continually remind myself that He knows my situation: He knows that my brother leaves on Sunday, that my sister has to go back to college on Monday, that Jimmy’s precious time at home gets shorter with each day. Not only that, He knows things about my situation and future to which I am totally oblivious. So it should be easy to trust His timing, right? Unfortunately that has not been the case.

Sometimes it is easy to trust God. Other times it is a daily and continual battle of the mind where my arms grow tired from a constant use of the sword of His Word (Eph 6:17). But whether hard or easy, my call as a child of God is still the same: Choose to believe my Father’s words over my own feelings.

Part of this process has included a surrendering of my rights. Maybe it’s because I live in America, one of the most entitled societies in existence, but I often feel like I have a right to have things go my way. So when God’s plan doesn’t line up with mine, I feel justified in my anger and frustration. But according to the Bible, the only thing I am entitled to is an eternity separated from God in hell because of my sins (for the wages of sin is death… Romans 3:23). Everything other than this is purely a gift from God in my life. So any other “rights” I may feel entitled to I have no license to actually claim. This includes my right to Sophia being born within my timetable.

I recently finished a book called “Safer Than a Known Way” by Pamela Rosewell Moore. Her story centered around a continual surrendering of her rights which allowed God to work freely in her life in great ways, often in ways she never thought she’d want. But of course, in surrendering her will to choose what God would have, she found His way is always the most joyful and most satisfying. Her story ends with this quote: “Only the Lord sees the end of my story. It is not in my control. But I do know this: when I surrender to Him, I am safer than if I had chosen a known way.”

What an encouragement this book has been to me as I am in this season of waiting. I see a “known way”: what I want to happen. But the promise is that God’s way, even though it is unknown, is much better than what I can see. But it is the unknown that terrifies me, which is what keeps me from trusting God. I am unsure of what He will do if I trust Him, so instead I choose my own way. But I have no logical reason not to trust Him, because His ways have NEVER ONCE been anything less than the absolute best thing for me.

So today, I am in a battle to trust God and lean not on my own understanding as I await the birth of our sweet baby Sophia. I have no idea in what way or what time He will bring her into this world, but I must choose to believe that His ways and His timing are far better than I could even dream.

How are you struggling to believe God today? Are you afraid of the unknownness of His ways? Can you believe that His ways are safer than a known way? If you are up to the challenge, join me today in believing His Word and trusting that His ways are far better than our own.

Children: Burden or Blessing?

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“Say goodbye to date nights!” “Better catch up on that sleep now because you won’t be getting any.” “You won’t have any free time, so use it now.” If you have ever been pregnant, these statements might sound familiar. These are the types of remarks I received when I was expecting the birth of our daughter last year. I was amazed at the amount of negativity that was associated with having children. Along with the (unsolicited) advice I received came warnings of nightmares to come. Even now that my daughter is 15 months old, I still receive those warnings from other random parents in the grocery store: “Enjoy it now! Just wait til she starts talking!” Over and over the message I hear is this: children are a burden and an inconvenience.


How sad that one of the most exciting adventures we are privileged to embark on is often clouded with pessimism. I think the main reason children are viewed so negatively is they keep us from being able to do what we want when we want to do it. Before our daughter was born, my husband and I could pick up and go wherever we wanted to go at a moment’s notice. It didn’t matter how late it was or if was naptime or not, we just went. If I wanted to go shopping for a few hours just for fun, I could do that. I didn’t have a heavy car seat to carry around, and didn’t have to fit all of my shopping into the few hours in between naptime. I could visit friends or work an extra few hours and it wasn’t a problem. Now that has all changed.


But as I look to the Bible, I am left with only one option as to how view children: they are a blessing. Psalm 127:3-5 says “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.”


I think the very reason many people consider children a burden is actually the very reason they are a blessing! God is in the business of conforming us into the image of His son, Jesus, (Rom 8:29) who gave up His rights as God to serve and save mankind through sacrificing His very life (Phil 2:3-11). What better way to become made into the image of Jesus than to become a parent? This gift of a little child forces us to give up our right to what we want for their wellbeing. All those long nights of rocking her to sleep and the way she limits my freedom to go do what I want remind me that this life is not about me and what I want. She allows me to daily practice the command to “do nothing from selfishness, but consider others as more important than myself.” (Phil 2:3) As a follower of Jesus, I am grateful for how becoming a parent has accelerated the process of dying to myself.


In addition to practicing self-sacrifice every day, being a parent has caused me to depend on the grace of God in a deeper and more constant way. Whether Lively is screaming in the grocery store because she is teething, or struggling to fall asleep at night, I am forced to run to God in prayer for patience, guidance, and peace. These small inconveniences keep close to Him on an hourly basis. And anything that causes me to depend on Him more is a blessing. It is much better to do life dependent on God than on my own resources. That is why 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 tells us that we are strongest in our weakness because it is God’s grace we are depending on.


But more than anything, what most excites me about parenthood is the ability I have to change the world. No one influences a person more than his or her parents. For better or for worse, our parents have affected and influenced our lives in such a deep, profound way that it has shaped the trajectory of our life. Any therapist can tell you this is true. The most powerful and long-lasting impact I will make on this world is how I invest in and raise my children. If I raise them to be confident men and women who know the Truth of the Word of God and have their eyes set on Jesus as the greatest privilege and priority of their life, this world will be a different place. How I raise them will also affect what kind of parents they will be one day to our grandchildren, and then to their children after that. The impact is exponential! I see no greater privilege and honor than to invest myself in raising our children. And that starts with these early days of little sleep and little time for myself.


What an infinite blessing our little daughter is. Through her, God is bringing death to my self-centeredness, drawing me closer to Himself in dependence on His grace, and allowing me the opportunity of a lifetime to bring about world-change. Is it more fun to do what I want when I want? Of course. Is it easier to not have to depend on God so much? Sure. But I have the great blessing and honor of becoming conformed into the likeness of my Savior and True Love, Jesus, while making an impact on this world for His Glory. Not to mention the conduit of these things happens to be the cutest, sweetest, most precious little girl I have ever laid my eyes on. How could life get any better?!


Children: an inconvenience and a burden? Not a chance. There couldn’t be a greater blessing in my life!

The Influence of a Woman

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Before I get into my topic for today, I wanted to give you a brief update on my blog.  Because I think it is incredibly important to be purposeful in everything you do, I recently wrote about the purpose of my writing and this blog.  You can check it out here: “No Apologies.”  In that post I had asked for any topic suggestions or questions that you had for me.  After reading through the responses I received, I’ve decided to write about some of those things in the coming weeks.  Here are some posts to be on the look out for:

  • Becoming a Jesus-Follower: My testimony
  • A Day in the Life: My life being married to a recording artist
  • The Sabbath: The forgotten command
  • Sharing Your Faith: How to live a lifestyle of evangelism
  • How to Encourage Others Effectively
  • Dating & Marriage: The purpose of romance in the believer’s life
For today however, I wanted to write about the powerful influence of a woman.  I am currently reading through 2 Chronicles and am greatly enjoying it!  I have learned so much through studying the history of the Israelite people in Kings and Chronicles and strongly encourage you to read straight through these books if you never have. (This is actually my first time to read straight through them!)


Chapter 21 describes the reign of King Jehoram, the son of Jehoshaphat, grandson of Asa.  Jehoshaphat, though not perfect in his reign, was known for how he sought after the Lord.  He was humble and trusted in God in moments of adversity.  And Asa, his grandfather was also a man who sought after the Lord and trusted God in hard times.  With such a rich spiritual heritage, I expected Jehoram to follow in their footsteps.  But to my surprise, this chapter starts out with Jehoram killing all his brothers as soon as he became king.  It doesn’t even give a reason why he did this.  He also led the people of Judah astray by enticing them to worship other gods (v. 11).  So what happened to Jehoram?  How did a guy with such a great start to life turn out so bad?


Well let me introduce you to his wife.  Her name is Athaliah and she is known by her parents.  This girl is the daughter of Ahab and Jezebel.  Ahab was king of Israel and was more wicked than every king before him!  This is one bad dude.  He was also married to Jezebel, who was a very deceitful, conniving, evil woman herself.  1 Kings 18:19 mentions how all the prophets of Baal and the Asherah (the false gods and idols of the day) ate at Jezebel’s table.  To sum up this couple’s life: “Surely there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do evil in the sight of the Lord, because Jezebel his wife incited him.” (1 Kings 21:25)  Can you imagine growing up in this home?


It is Ahab & Jezebel’s daughter who marries Jehoram and clearly she had a significant influence on him.  ”Jehoram walked in the way of the kings of Israel, just as the house of Ahab did (for Ahab’s daughter was his wife), and he did evil in the sight of the Lord.”  This same story is written in 2 Kings 8:18: “Jehoram walked in the way of the kings of Israel, just as the house of Ahab had done, for the daughter of Ahab became his wife; and he did evil in the sight of the Lord.”  This one woman had more influence on her husband than his father and grandfather.


In the very next chapter of 2 Chronicles we see her continue to have an affect on her family.  Once her husband, King Jehoram dies, her son Ahaziah becomes king.  And what does it say of Ahaziah? “He also walked in the ways of the house of Ahab, for his mother was his counselor to do wickedly.  He did evil in the sight of the Lord like the house of Ahab.” (22:3-4)


As I read these chapters this morning, I couldn’t help but notice the incredibly powerful impact this one woman had on her husband and son.  Judah went from having good kings that trusted in the Lord and sought Him with all their heart to wicked kings that did evil in His sight so quickly.  And it is all because of the influence of one woman.


This has lead me to ask this question: what kind of influence am I having on my family?  I might not be causing the same kind of great evil in my family as Athaliah caused hers, but I still need to evaluate how I am…….  Do I criticize my husband and cause him to shrink into passivity?  Or do I encourage him and strengthen him to step up into his God-given leadership positions with confidence?  Do I have an complaining and woe-is-me attitude that makes my home a sorrowful place to be?  Or do I have a grateful and cheerful heart that brings joy to our home?  Do I treat my daughter like she is an inconvenience to my day and a burden?  Or like she is a blessing and a wonderful gift to be celebrated and enjoyed?


I might not be seeking to cause evil and wickedness in my family, but I do have an influence.  And I believe my influence can be just as powerful and long lasting in my family as Athaliah’s was in hers.  And I pray that God will continue to grow me into a woman whose family is blessed and better off because of her.

When Christian Bands Get Together…

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Tonight I am writing from the Tuckaleechee Retreat Center in Pigeon Forge, TN. Quite a random place to be on a Tuesday night, I know. This week marks the 3rd annual artist retreat put on by Jimmy’s manager. We are here along with a few other bands: Echoing Angels, Rush of Fools, Chasen, and Rhett Walker… along with all their respective wives and children. When you add in Jimmy’s manager, his family and staff, that brings the total to 60 people! And 17 of them are young kids!

It has been such a joy to be in the company of other believers who are in the same industry and understand the joys and struggles of being in the Christian music industry. These wives deal with the same things I do: spending nights alone at home while their husbands travel, taking care of their children and working other jobs. We understand each other by default of our husband’s calling. And something about that is so refreshing.

We have also had a lot of fun since arriving here. Last night was the songwriting competition in which everybody, wives included, is involved and split into random groups with people from every band mixed together. Just to give you an idea of what kind of competition this was, some of the categories were “Most movie titles used in a song” and “Most Bible verses.” I think some of these videos might end up on youtube… =)

It has been a blast hanging out with such wonderful people! If you aren’t familiar with any of these bands, please check them out. They are all very grounded, Biblically-minded people who loves Jesus and love music. Remember to pray for their wives and children who are always holding down the fort at home and bear the burdens this industry brings with joy.

Here are the band’s websites:
Rush of Fools
Echoing Angels
Wives of Echoing Angels Blog
Chasen
And keep an eye out for upcoming artist, Rhett Walker.

Norwegian Lessons

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Lively in Sweden!

1:30am here in Norway, and Jimmy is about to take the stage for the 3rd time today! You’d think that’d be way to late to start a concert, but since it doesn’t get dark till around 11pm, it’s easier to stay up that long. I actually don’t know if these people actually sleep at night! I’m definitely loving the long days, but 9pm comes so quickly when the sun is up! It’s amazing how much I count on the sunset to let me know what time it is.


I mentioned in my last blog that I have been hoping God would speak to me while we’re here, and so far He’s come through! Though the lessons I’m learning since arriving in Scandinavia have been good, they’ve also been hard. It all started with “an honest moment” I had with God in Sweden a couple days ago. Though I’m generally pretty frank with Him, I tend to keep silent when my frustration is aimed at how He is running things because I know how limited my view is. But every now and then, I just have to let Him know my grievances. Let me share this moment of honesty with you.

It began with a challenging travel day with Lively. I rely very heavily on His grace on these days to get me through each task and challenge. Sometimes those challenges are figuring out where to nurse her while at an outdoor festival or trying to soothe her on a 9 hour flight. This particular day was our first in Sweden and I had been asking Him for help with many things and all to no avail. Lively was fussy most of the day and all of my attempts to soothe her either simply didn’t work or backfired. I didn’t understand why God wasn’t helping me like He usually does! At the end of the day, my dissatisfaction with how things had gone overflowed into one very angry prayer: “God, why aren’t you helping me?! I don’t understand! I believe you can help me because I have seen you do it before. Are you just not listening this time?! I really need you now, so where are you?!”

Lively and I on the Norwegian coast



I don’t feel like I got much of an answer that night, though it is always relieving to be honest with God. The following day was not any better with Lively. As I echoed my prayer from the night before, I felt Him respond to me: “So, you want me to make everything easy for you, is that right?”


Sigh. Yes, I guess that is exactly what I am asking. As I realized the truth of what my request meant, I thought to myself, “And that is rarely what God wants… for things to be easy.” I recalled what He had recently shown me through the Word (Lessons in Sleeplessness): I am to consider myself His servant in the midst of stressful and trying circumstances. Goodness, how could I forget that so quickly. I had also forgotten a fundamental thing about motherhood: like many things, it is intended to sanctify me, to get rid of the selfishness still left in me so I can become more like Jesus. (1 Tim 2:15, Rom 8:29)

View of a small portion of the festival in Norway

Often, being a mother prevents me from doing what I want to do when I want to do it. And quite frankly, it’s really frustrating! For example, during the festival in Norway, I was really enjoying talking with all the other bands and Norwegians backstage when Lively began to get upset. Of course I hadn’t realized how close it was to her bedtime because the sun was still up. I had hoped to explore all the different booths, find a Norwegian shirt, and then stick around for Jimmy’s acoustic concert. With every cry I felt that plan falling apart. Instead, I headed back to the hotel to put her to bed and wait around until Jimmy got done. Lame! I’m in Norway! Who sits in a hotel room when you’re in Norway! A mother of a 6 month old, that’s who. It’s in those moments I say to myself: “I can’t do what I want to do when I want to do it. And that is exactly what God wants for me.” He wants to show me how to sacrifice my own wants and preferences for the sake of serving someone else. That is exactly what Jesus did for me, and my life goal is to become more like Him right? Not to see Norway.


The process of sanctification is not fun; on the other hand, it is very hard. And yet what it produces makes it so worthwhile: freedom from self-worship and selfishness and the fruit of the spirit: joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control and more. I greatly dislike the process, but am always glad to find that afterwards I am able to tackle even more difficult situations with peace and joy. Right now, I am still kind of in the disliking part, but trying to make the best of it and enjoy the quietness of our sleeping sweetheart. But at the end of the day, I am sure grateful that God’s current instrument of sanctification in my life is the cutest little girl I’ve ever seen. And truthfully, I’d give up seeing Norway any day for her. =)

Lessons in Sleeplessness

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Teething + stuffy nose + out of town = one very unhappy baby


This is the equation that plagued me last week. Our poor little girl had her first cold and boy was it rough! For about 5 nights in a row, I was up almost every hour trying to get her back to sleep because she couldn’t breathe. The frustration followed into the next day because our sick baby was now a tired, sick baby. Then top that off with constant pain from teething and the fact that we are not at home with all her regular toys and Baby Einstein DVDs…. And wow. I felt like I was just trying to make it through one hour at a time.

It’s amazing what a lack of sleep over multiple days does to you. I had checked-out emotionally and spiritually. Discouragement began to set in as I wondered if this was ever going to end. As I drove around Nashville waiting to pick Jimmy up from a writing appointment, I noticed this license plate in front of me. It read: 2COR610. An acute awareness of God’s sovereignty causes me to take these “coincidences” very personally as if God were sending me a message to read 2 Corinthians 6:10. Though it didn’t mean much to me as I quickly glanced at it in my car, I decided it was worth a more in depth look later.

Thankfully, Lively soon fell asleep in the car seat as I drove giving me a precious hour and a half of time to myself. I found a coffee shop and claimed the small nook in the back as my own to sit with this chapter of the Bible and a much needed cup of caffeine… I mean coffee. I began reading from earlier in the chapter: “But in everything commending ourselves as servants of God, in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses, in beatings, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in hunger…” Wait a second!! “in sleeplessness” Those words were balm to my soul. The moment I read them my eyes filled with tears as God’s Word ministered to my soul. In just a split second God spoke so many things to my heart.

First, just seeing the word sleeplessness let me know that God was aware of my situation. Sometimes just to know that He sees me and knows what I am going through brings such comfort. Then, sleeplessness is listed next to imprisonments, beatings, and hunger to name a few! In this I felt like my struggle became legitimate, that it is truly difficult to function without sleep. In the same way our bodies need food to function, they also need sleep to function. Finally, the main point of this whole passage is that even in sleeplessness I am to commend myself as a servant of God. What renewed purpose this gave me to know that I am to serve God in my sleeplessness. Not just get through it, but serve God through it.

I glanced down at the little feet sticking out of the car seat next to me. This little girl was not the burden or inconvenience that she seemed to be this past week, but a blessing that I had the honor of caring for as my service to God. I am to be HIS SERVANT even in sleeplessness.

Oh the Bible! How I love it! It’s pages always bringing such refreshment and renewal to my soul. It is like a never-ending fountain, allowing me to discover new mysteries each time I open it. Wherever you are at today, find time to sit with God in His Word. You might not be a new mom dealing with sleepless nights, but there is fresh wisdom, comfort, and encouragement for every situation in the pages of this precious book.

“How sweet are Your words to my taste!
Yes, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”
Psalm 119:103

A Greater End

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Twelve-twenty a.m. is probably way too late to be starting a blog, but I can’t seem to get this topic off my mind and have been aching to write about it for a couple months now. (Thank you faithful blog readers for your patience by the way.) So give me grace as I work through this topic in an exhausted yet caffeinated state of mind.


Jimmy & Lively

I love being a wife and a mother. Investing in a family is what I have always wanted to do with my life. I consider it my primary ministry to serve these two wonderful blessings pictured to the left. I am constantly researching ways I can improve in these roles, whether it be learning how to help my teething daughter or how to create a more welcoming atmosphere for my husband to come home to. This is my job and I love it! But to what end am I seeking excellence in these roles? Is it because that’s what I’m supposed to do? Or because Scripture calls me to consider others as better than myself? I know that God values my roles as wife and mother, so maybe that is why I am supposed to strive to be good at them. Maybe it’s simply because I love my husband and daughter and serving them is a natural response.


Though all those things are good reasons, there is still a greater end than this. It is simply and decidedly the GLORY OF GOD. The end goal of excellence as a wife and a mom should be THE GLORY OF GOD. I know this sounds like your classic Sunday school answer, but don’t check out. What does it really mean to do something for the glory of God? The Word glory literally means “heavy” or “weighty” in the Hebrew. To bring God glory means to give weight to Him, in a positive sense. If something is weighty, you don’t take it lightly. Rather, you have to seriously consider it and deal with it. In the same way, by bringing God glory, I give weight to Him and cause others to take Him more seriously and to have a more positive view of Him than they did before. This is bringing glory to God. And this is the reason I should seek to be excellent in my roles as a wife and a mother.


1 Corinthians 10:31 echoes this: “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” It is an interesting concept to think about serving Jimmy and Lively for a greater reason than simply because I love them. But they themselves should not be the ultimate end of my service to them. God is the reason I should seek to serve them with such fervor. The reason I seek to be excellent in these roles is ultimately so my God will be looked upon by this world in a more serious and more positive light. Now that is exciting motivation!


With all my heart I long for others to know the abundant joy it is to know my God through His Son, Jesus! The joy of my life and the heartbeat behind all I do is Jesus! What I wouldn’t give for more people to be enthralled with Him and simply knowing Him! So to be reminded that this is the very reason I am to strive to be excellent as a wife and mom is the greatest motivation.


This is also true of all the commands in the Word of God. Why consider others as greater than yourself? Why honor your mom and dad? Why strive for a life of purity? Why be excellent at your job or in your schoolwork? Not just because “God says so,” or “because it’s the right thing to do,” but because it is so counter-cultural that other people are forced to take God seriously when we do these things consistently. It makes Him look good and gives Him more weight. And in a culture that laughs and jokes about Jesus and Christians, the more weight we can bring to God the better.


I pray that this brings renewed motivation to do what we are called to do with excellence. The reputation of our God is at stake! We are to bring Him glory! To make Him weighty and cause others to take Him seriously. Whether you work, drive, do homework, wash dishes, change diapers, cook dinner, mow the lawn, go shopping, exercise, go to class, live with roommates, eat, drink, or whatever you do, do it all in a way that makes our God look good! Do it all for the glory of God!

Fullness of Joy

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“For You, O Lord, have made me glad by what You have done, I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands.” Psalm 92:4


Standing on the deck of a lakehouse with my husband, my daughter, and a few close friends, I pretended to blow out a candle that wouldn’t light placed carefully on my 2 freshly roasted marshmallows. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to celebrate my birthday than to spend a day and a half away from home, making s’mores and playing board games with family and friends!


As I reminisce on this past year, I am absolutely overwhelmed and blown away by what God has done in my life. My heart aches for words to express the depth of love, gratitude, and wonder I feel toward Him. It is the longing of my heart to share the wonders of His ways in my life so that many will hear and want to know this amazing God for themselves!


It was this time last year that I was weary with grief. I had just miscarried for the 3rd time a few months earlier, which was the climax of 2 challenging and sorrowful years, and I felt tired. Tired of grieving, tired of the unexpected struggles with fear, jealousy, and anger that came with every baby commercial and pregnant woman I saw.


It was in this state of being that I felt lead to insert myself into the story of Bartimaeus in Mark 10:46-52. In this passage Jesus asks this blind beggar, “What do you want me to do for you?” It was incredibly powerful for me as I pondered how I would respond if Jesus had asked me the same question. I felt the weight of my response. Jesus of Nazareth, Son of the Living God, had just offered to do something for me. What did I really want? Did I just want to be pregnant, or was it more than that? I sat in silence in my living room staring at that page in my Bible feeling almost nervous as if Jesus was right there in front of me awaiting my answer.


I thought back on my life and how my relationship with Jesus had been the constant and central joy. He has captured my heart like no one else. Yet, after a couple years in the darkness of grief and sorrow, where God had been silent, I didn’t feel much joy in Him. In fact, I had been wrestling with feelings of anger and frustration with Him. I felt confused by what seemed to be God’s lack of concern for my situation and His silence toward me. Even more than just wanting children, I longed for restoration in my relationship with Him.


I pondered the question again: “What do you want me to do for you?” I carefully and decidedly wrote in my journal, “I want the fullness of joy in Your presence. (Ps 16:11)” I hesitated, and then added “And I would love to have children one day.” I continued along with the story of Bartimaeus in Mark 10: “‘Go,’ said Jesus, ‘your faith has healed you.’ Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.” So I concluded my journal entry, speaking of myself, with: “Immediately Jesus began to answer her requests, and she followed Him the rest of her days.”


My birthday came a few weeks later. As I have now made this a habit each year, I asked God for a birthday gift. (Some years I have asked for a specific thing, and other years just for anything that I KNOW is from Him.) His gift to me became apparent immediately. As I was getting dressed and singing to a new worship CD, I unexpectedly found myself jumping and dancing! I was overcome with such a deep, profound, uncontrollable joy that the only explanation was that it was supernatural.



Immediately, I remember my request from a few weeks earlier for the fullness of joy that is in God’s presence. There couldn’t have been a better description of what I felt. I had such an unexplainable sense that this day was the starting of a new season. That God was doing a new work in my life. I was sure of it.


Of course my next immediate thought was… “If God answered my request for joy, maybe He also answered my request for children! What if I am pregnant again? Talk about one amazing birthday present!” I briefly entertained the thought of purchasing a pregnancy test, but then quickly dismissed it. I had taken so many pregnancy tests, some positive, some negative, and it had always been a discouraging process because of the multiple miscarriages I’ve had. I told God, “The only way I’ll take a pregnancy test is if you delivered it to my doorstep!”


My day continued to go wonderfully! Jimmy, as always, outdid himself and took me out to a nice restaurant, threw me a surprise party, and gave me his standard 3+ gifts! It was later that night at my party that my dear friend and mentor Krystal asked me to step outside with her so she could give me a special gift. She tried to explain that this was a strange gift and she didn’t mean to offend, but felt like she was supposed to give it to me. And sure enough, as I stood on my doorstep and unwrapped this small box, I laid my eyes on what else but a pregnancy test! I immediately began crying as I told her my prayer from that morning. Her response was simply this: “I’m not sure when you are supposed to take it, but I think this is God’s way of saying ‘Be ready.’”


Although I did take the pregnancy test that night and it was negative, it didn’t phase me. I knew God was going to also answer my request for children and that this was his way to let me know. (I still have that pregnancy test by the way.) It was just over a month later that Jimmy and I found ourselves in a hotel room Jerusalem, Israel staring at a positive pregnancy test!


“For You, O Lord, have made me glad by what You have done, I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands.”

Lively in the onesie we bought her in Jerusalem when we found out I was pregnant

As I rocked Lively to sleep this morning, I cannot help be reminisce on all these things. My God is great and He does great and marvelous things in the lives of His children. This past year has been marked by joy. Not joy from getting what I want and being free from pain, but joy in HIS PRESENCE. And I know the joy I have would not be nearly as deep and profound if I had not walked through the valley of grief and sorrow clinging to God though I couldn’t see or feel Him. I look forward to what this next year of life will bring. Whether joy or sorrow, peace or strife, I am learning to rejoice in whatever God brings my way because in either circumstance He is still with me. And that indeed is the greatest gift I could ever receive: more and more of His presence. It is there that I find FULLNESS OF JOY.