My favorite podcast is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Today, I listened to a recent interview she did with Dr. Henry Blackaby called “Revival and Repentance.” Obviously I was drawn to it because I am in a week and a half time period of personal repentance. It was so encouraging, thought-provoking, and refreshing that I wanted to share it with you all. So if you have 25 minutes to spare, please download and listen to it, or read the manuscript from it. Click here to get it.
One point he made is that we often think of revival as something our schools, community, or nation needs, but not us. But it’s quite the contrary. Revival starts in the hearts of God’s people. Here is a quote from this interview: “You cannot have God in your midst and remain as you are as a people of God. You will come under severe conviction of sin. God’s people will feel the awesome presence of the holiness of God and expose their sin and will cry out unto God in repentance.”~Henry Blackaby. It is like Isaiah 6. When we are truly in the presence of God, there is an intense awareness of our wickedness before Him. Revival starts in us, His children, and it starts with repentance.
I am praying that this time for me will be the start of a personal revival, inviting God’s manifest presence into my life in such a powerful way that I am radically changed by it.
I was very surprised today by my time of prayer. Not sure what I expect God to be revealing in my heart, but obviously this wasn’t it. The first word that came to mind…. grace. How is that something to repent of? But as I prayed more, I realized that it wasn’t simply grace, but specifically the lack of grace I have shown. At times, I have an unwillingness to show grace. This is the problem.
Monthly Archives: September 2010
Day 3 – To Do Lists
Well I figured I should give an update on how things are going this week as it relates to my time at home and Jimmy being gone. It’s actually been wonderful! I feel joyful, peaceful, not lonely, and excited about my days. It’s amazing what some basic intentionality will do! Jimmy and I have talked a few times and each time has been really good. We are starting to figure out the best times for us to connect during the day and getting into a rhythm of what to expect this next week or so. It sounds like Denmark is beautiful, and though I wish I could be there, I am trying to be grateful for what I have here. Right now, I am most grateful for some cooler weather! It gets quite hot down here in Texas, but we’ve had our first cold front the last few days (which means lows in the 60s) so it’s been great! I have also stayed quite busy (which I try to do while Jimmy’s gone), thus my posts are coming out late at night. But to those of you who are following along and praying along, thanks for being patient!
Tonight I had dinner with God. After coming home from work, I sat down to eat my much desired PB&J and asked God what was in my heart that needed to be cleaned out. The very first thing to come to my mind was to do lists.
Continue reading
Day 2 – Fear
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts;
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting”
Psalm 139:23-24
Fear. That is what I have in my heart that God wanted to deal with today. Fear of failure as a child of God, as a wife. Fear of the future and what life will be like with children and a traveling husband. Fear of being forgotten. Fear of what will happen if I really give up control.
I am realizing that my obsessive need to control things is because of fear. Fear drives me to action. I may be extremely tired and feel like I am unable to run, but as soon as a wasp comes flying up behind me, I run faster! (I hate wasps by the way.) Fear drives us to action faster and stronger than anything else. And my incessant need to control things is driven by the fears I am trying to protect myself from.
Day 1 – It’s not about me.
First of all, I am excited that a few of you will be joining me in these 10 days of prayer! Karen and Vertina, I hope your time with God these next days is refreshing and powerful. I know it already has been for me in just day 1. Can’t wait to hear from you at the end.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts;
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting”
Psalm 139:23-24
Be careful when you pray this. God might show you things in your heart that you didn’t know where there. After my first day of prayer, I have concluded that it’s not about me. Of course this is a truth that I think I know and have “mastered,” but, unfortunately, that is not the case.
10 Days of Prayer and Repentance
THE PROBLEM
International trips. Big time difference + expensive phone call rates + busy tour schedule = no fun. While a trip to another country probably sounds like a good thing, it is usually very challenging on our marriage. When I used to travel with Jimmy it was fun! We got to see the sights together and be together. But since my transition to staying home more often, I flinch at the sight of an international trip on the calendar. I tend to get frustrated often about the challenge of communication and feel hurt easily by the lack of connection because I take it personally. One time we got in a fight while Jimmy was in another country and the pressure of mounting cell phone charges made it worse. But since Jimmy won’t go on stage when we are not ok, we had to work it out. Let’s just say it showed up BIG TIME on our cell phone bill the next month. Ouch.
Well today I dropped Jimmy off at the airport for a short weekend trip to Alabama followed by a week and a half trip to Denmark. While this is not the longest we’ve been apart, it’s certainly the longest international trip he’s done without me. I’ve been anticipating this trip for a while and wondering if there was any way I could make it a better experience than usual. I was also challenged through a book this week to stop fighting my situation, but rather, with God’s help, seek to thrive within it.
Unusual Prayers for Lively’s Arrival
It’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to make it through a worship service without crying now a days. Lately, I have been so overwhelmed with God’s goodness and grace to me in giving us a child who is healthy and strong that I can barely contain my joy. I have also never longed so much for someone to know the absolutely overwhelming joy of knowing and worshipping God. I my heart rejoices in God’s character through worship, I ache with longing for our sweet Lively to one day know this same joy.
Although through all the praying for, longing for, and preparing for little Lively to come, I have found myself being prayerfully cautious. I am praying that once Lively comes, she will not become the center of my life. That may sound odd, but she does not belong as the central focus of my life, Jesus does. And I know from experience, that it doesn’t matter how intrinsically good a thing might be, it still has the potential to rival God’s rightful place in my heart.
High School Helpers
For those of you who don’t know, I work full time at our home church with our high schoolers. I love my job more than I could say. I get to encourage high school students in their pursuit to follow after Jesus! It has been a joy to work in a youth ministry that is Christ-centered, holds firm to the truths of scripture, and submits every decision to the Holy Spirit’s direction.
Before I was on staff, Jimmy and I attended the youth service more than we did the main services. This was mainly because we were rarely in town on a Sunday morning because of concerts and travel, but could sometimes make it back in town for the Sunday night youth service. But we also found these high school services to be just as life-giving and mature as the main services.
We immediately noticed some major differences in this youth group from many others we had visited or been to on our travels. There were no games, no hype, no big exciting giveaways. The Word of God was being taught at an adult level, studying one book of the Bible each semester. I think they were studying Hosea when we first started attending. There were also a significant number of adult volunteers that were present. It was wonderful to see so many adults involved in this ministry… serving food, greeting students as they entered, and serving as small group leaders.
Halfway There…
Well if you haven’t heard the news, we found out we are having a little girl! We are thrilled! Her name is Lively Elizabeth. What a joy it has been to call her by name and talk about her by name and pray for her by name! It has made such a difference for me and allowed me to connect with her so much more.
Honestly, emotionally connecting with our little Lively has been a challenge because of the many losses we have had. I easily default into self-protection, guarding my heart from getting to involved with something I might lose. I try to make efforts to keep myself from this mentality, but sometimes I don’t realize it is happening. But now, a number of things have helped me to make sure I am not keeping my distance.
The first is knowing her name. It makes the reality of how she is a unique individual unavoidable to me. This has also caused me to realize this about our other 3 babies and I have often grieved their absence and yet been grateful I got to carry them for a little while.
